These last few weeks have been really hectic. We have made a lot of progress on the bathroom, but we still aren't done. There is this whole huge saga dealing with the grout in the shower, but I don't feel like going into it right now. Instead, I am going to just say that I hope we will be done in a couple more weekends. And when it is ALL done, I will post some pictures of all of our hard work.
But we won't be working on it THIS weekend. This weekend, my lovely husband and I are going to be heading up to Asheville NC for a weekend away. We will be staying at an absolutely amazing hotel, we will be treating ourselves to a "spa day" on Sunday, and we will just be enjoying each other's company. I can't wait to get on the road tomorrow morning!
I also wanted to say a few words about my activities today. My friend Jill had a baby 2 weeks ago. The first time I talked to her after her little boy was born, she was telling me about how she felt those first few minutes after her son came into this world. I know that she meant no malice with her words, but they stung so deeply. After I hung up the phone with her, I cried. I don't have to explain it to you all - you all know it is because I am worried that I will never know that feeling - those first few moments when you see your baby. When I made plans to go see them today, I was worried I would break down.
But I didn't. I actually held that sweet little bundle of joy for an hour or so, and I never shed a tear. I didn't even feel that black hole that normally swallows my heart. I took in deep breaths of sweet baby smell and kissed his tiny little baby feet and gently stroked his soft downy hair. And for the first time in a LONG time, I was truely happy holding someone else's baby.
Does this mean I am cured? (Rhetorical question - I know the answer is probably not...but give a girl a chance to dream!)
I really do hope that one day in the near future I will be holding our little bundle of joy...
Oh - I know I didin't give you all an update on the possible baby - this was not the child meant for us as the situation has gotten stickier and the baby probably won't be given up for adoption. But at least it was a possibility. And maybe that will mean that another situation will come along later.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
The Day that Celebrates All that I am Not
Yup - Mother's Day yet again.
Why am I posting several days after Mother's Day, you ask?
Well, I spent several days dealing with pent up anger because I had to listen to numerous people wish me a Happy Mother's Day (what, do I have this stamped on my forehead that I would really rather you NOT tell me this???).
On Mother's Day, Derek and I went to the park for a walk. Although I really enjoyed the walk, there were parts that were so sad. So many Mothers were walking around the park with their children. I do have to give Derek some props though - instead of running ahead of me, he actually walked a lap beside me. And, when we were approached by the woman who had a little boy and was very pregnant with a second child - he felt my pain. He reached over and took my hand and squeezed because he knew that seeing her was tough on me. (I love you Honey! Thank you for being there for me!)
But this year, it is the gift that just keeps on giving.
My Mom (who, by the way, does not understand my aversion to this holiday) chose to go out of town and see her sister that weekend. So we will be celebrating Mother's Day this coming weekend. And if you need a translation? I get to experience the fun for two weekneds in a row. Yay for me.
Why am I posting several days after Mother's Day, you ask?
Well, I spent several days dealing with pent up anger because I had to listen to numerous people wish me a Happy Mother's Day (what, do I have this stamped on my forehead that I would really rather you NOT tell me this???).
On Mother's Day, Derek and I went to the park for a walk. Although I really enjoyed the walk, there were parts that were so sad. So many Mothers were walking around the park with their children. I do have to give Derek some props though - instead of running ahead of me, he actually walked a lap beside me. And, when we were approached by the woman who had a little boy and was very pregnant with a second child - he felt my pain. He reached over and took my hand and squeezed because he knew that seeing her was tough on me. (I love you Honey! Thank you for being there for me!)
But this year, it is the gift that just keeps on giving.
My Mom (who, by the way, does not understand my aversion to this holiday) chose to go out of town and see her sister that weekend. So we will be celebrating Mother's Day this coming weekend. And if you need a translation? I get to experience the fun for two weekneds in a row. Yay for me.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
My NIAW Thoughts
I know I am a little late here. I have to admit - sadly - that I didn't even realize it was National Infertility Awareness week until the week was almost over. I have read many posts by my friends here on the web, but I was hesitant to post anything of my own. I hadn't made a video that touched the heart and I hadn't done anything special to prepare for it. I didn't feel like I had any thoughts eloquent enough to be shared.
Then I woke up this morning with my own NIAW thought and I wanted to share it with all of you. (Had I been in tune with NIAW earlier in the week, perhaps I could have actually posted this prior to the week ending. :o) )
We were one of the lucky ones who had Infertility Coverage in our health insurance. Believe me, I completely consider us 100% lucky that we had this coverage. Otherwise, we would have been having to decide whether to blow our savings on IVF or to put it towards adoption. Looking back, I am so thankful that we had this coverage. Had we not had it, we would still be exactly where we are today, only with our savings drained and our nursery still empty.
I understand the fact that insurance companies set ceilings on the amount of coverage they will provide. However, the ceiling for infertility coverage? It is typically not that high. Ours was a max payout of $25,000 in a lifetime. Have you priced IVF lately? Even at the agreed upon insurance rates, these treatments are NOT cheap. We were able to squeeze out 2 fresh cycles and 1 frozen cycle at these agreed upon rates and we still have a small amount of coverage left - but not enough for a cycle - so we have practically exhausted our coverage. Isn't that like telling a cancer patient that you can only cover 3 rounds of chemo? Do they limit the number of times they will treat you if you cut off your finger? Or the number of babies you can deliver under their coverage? Or how about the number of times they will pump your stomach if you OD? They WHY do they limit the number of times you can try for a family with ART at such a low amount?
In addition to this, during our first IVF cycle - as you all know by now - we had fragmentation of our embryos. This indicated that genetically something was not right. Some research quickly led me to the realization that our Infertility insurance coverage did not cover ANY donor cycles. I was completely amazed by this. How was that fair at all? If our gametes weren't acceptable, then we were SOL, even though we had insurance coverage. Infertility is a disease - just like any other disease. Doesn't our health insurance cover heart transplants? Kidney transplants? Blood Infusions? Aren't all of THESE considered donor procedures? Why would donor eggs or donor sperm be any different? Donor embryo cycles are not covered either, just in case you were wondering.
WHAT IF insurance companies were required to offer Infertility Coverage? And not only that, but WHAT IF insurance companies were required to provide an acceptable ceiling of coverage? And WHAT IF they were required to cover donor cycles?
There you have it - my contribution to NIAW.
Then I woke up this morning with my own NIAW thought and I wanted to share it with all of you. (Had I been in tune with NIAW earlier in the week, perhaps I could have actually posted this prior to the week ending. :o) )
We were one of the lucky ones who had Infertility Coverage in our health insurance. Believe me, I completely consider us 100% lucky that we had this coverage. Otherwise, we would have been having to decide whether to blow our savings on IVF or to put it towards adoption. Looking back, I am so thankful that we had this coverage. Had we not had it, we would still be exactly where we are today, only with our savings drained and our nursery still empty.
I understand the fact that insurance companies set ceilings on the amount of coverage they will provide. However, the ceiling for infertility coverage? It is typically not that high. Ours was a max payout of $25,000 in a lifetime. Have you priced IVF lately? Even at the agreed upon insurance rates, these treatments are NOT cheap. We were able to squeeze out 2 fresh cycles and 1 frozen cycle at these agreed upon rates and we still have a small amount of coverage left - but not enough for a cycle - so we have practically exhausted our coverage. Isn't that like telling a cancer patient that you can only cover 3 rounds of chemo? Do they limit the number of times they will treat you if you cut off your finger? Or the number of babies you can deliver under their coverage? Or how about the number of times they will pump your stomach if you OD? They WHY do they limit the number of times you can try for a family with ART at such a low amount?
In addition to this, during our first IVF cycle - as you all know by now - we had fragmentation of our embryos. This indicated that genetically something was not right. Some research quickly led me to the realization that our Infertility insurance coverage did not cover ANY donor cycles. I was completely amazed by this. How was that fair at all? If our gametes weren't acceptable, then we were SOL, even though we had insurance coverage. Infertility is a disease - just like any other disease. Doesn't our health insurance cover heart transplants? Kidney transplants? Blood Infusions? Aren't all of THESE considered donor procedures? Why would donor eggs or donor sperm be any different? Donor embryo cycles are not covered either, just in case you were wondering.
WHAT IF insurance companies were required to offer Infertility Coverage? And not only that, but WHAT IF insurance companies were required to provide an acceptable ceiling of coverage? And WHAT IF they were required to cover donor cycles?
There you have it - my contribution to NIAW.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)