A Baby - Maybe?

That got your attention, didn't it???  Before I explain the title of this post, I have to make another couple of random statements.

I know - it has been a while and I apologize.  But the truth is that since we have been on "hold" on the adoption front, there hasn't really been much to blog about.  My mom always said "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."  Hence my silence.  I haven't really had a lot of positive thoughts about us becoming parents.  Between 2 showers for my very pregnant friend and watching my staff member's belly swell with her sweet bundle of joy and hearing about my co-workers 16 year old giving birth, I have just been in the pits myself.  So I am sorry if my absence and lack of commenting has offended or hurt anyone.  I do love you all dearly and I apologize.  I have been reading all of your posts.

The only positive things I have to say are that our A/C broke during a time with 85 degree spring weather.  The master bath STILL isn't done and I am afraid it will never be done.  I hate my job.  And I barely survived ran a 5K last week.  What, those weren't positive statements?  Yeah, I am in a funk.

Now - on to the topic at hand - A BABY - MAYBE?

Another co-worker of mine approached me about a baby that was born into her family last week (he is absolutely adorable, BTW!).  He was born to a set of parents who don't have custody of their first child.  The night the baby came home from the hospital, the father OD'd and DFCS stepped in again.  The baby is with a family member right now.  The point is that she asked if Derek and I would be willing to consider adopting this little boy.  She isn't 100% sure that the mother and father are willing to give the baby up for adoption, but she feels fairly certain that they would definitely be interested, especially if there were some financial compensation in it for them. 

I explained to her the types of adoption we would be interested in, told her that we would only pay the compensation legally allowable by the state of GA, and that we were not interested in foster care.  I told her that if all of this were agreeable to the birth parents, we would be willing to see if we could make this work.

My co-worker is finding out what the situation is.  There was a hearing with DFCS today and apparently the mother indicated that she was considering adoption.  The mother also showed up to the hearing under the influence of some sort of drug.  There is supposed to be a second court hearing in a couple of weeks to re-evaluate the situation.

I am trying to have the attitude that if it was meant to be, everything will work out and the baby will come to us.  I am also trying to keep myself from seeing any glimmer of hope in this situation until things become clearer.  If she does, indeed, want to allow the baby to be adopted, and she does want to consider us as the parents of her child, then we will go from there.  We will contact a lawyer to find out what the next steps are.

Regardless of the outcome for Derek and I, I will be praying that this little baby be in a home where he can be loved and can be given the best chance to survive and thrive.  I sincerely believe the biological parents aren't going to provide that home.  Please help me pray for this little one to be safe and happy.

And now...Well, we wait.

Where is my Effing Ark????

And that isn't just because it has been raining today.  I has been raining absolute SHIT.  No - let's rephrase that.  It's been a fucking DELUGE.

I had to have a physical with my PCP today.  On the way into their office, I followed in a lady who was preggers (probably around 4 oR 5 months) who was smoking a cigarette as she walked past the smoke free campus sign.  I was livid.  I wanted to yell at her about the dangers of smoking while pregnant (I mean, doesn't it say that on the box???) and let her know that there were lots of women who would LOVE to be in her position and would take care of themselves.  But I decided that I would come off as the crazy IF lady, so I bit my tongue.

When I made it into the Dr's office, the nurse (and her nurse in training) started the preliminary exam.  She asked if I was still taking my thyroid medication.  I explained that I had self un-medicated for a while after our failed FET and that I had recently started taking it again.  She asked if we were still trying to concieve and I explained that while we weren't preventing, we weren't "trying" and that we were looking into adoption.

The nurse proceeded to tell me a story about someone she knows who had IVF and ended up with identical twins.  (I think to myself "Why would you tell the infertile sitting in front of you how IVF worked for someone else???  Is this salt in the wound day or something???")

THEN the nurse in training proceeds to tell me about someone she knows who did IVF and it failed and then they adopted and then (wait for it, don't spoil my surprise ending!) she got pregnant.  Maybe I should just relax and it would happen on it's own.  It is a good thing they had taken my blood pressure before this point.

So, as I sit and wait for the Doc, I contemplate telling him that he should talk to his nurses about things to say and not say to an infertile.

Enter Doc.

Doc questions the lack of taking thyroid meds and I go through the explanation again.  Doc then proceeds to tell me a story about someone he knows who had failed IVF attempts, adopted, and then got pregnant.

I decide to skip the lesson on dealing with the infertile public.

And you don't even know the worst part about this yet.  All of this happens on the same day as the cruelest joke of all. 
Not following me?  AF arrived.  And I think it is a pretting fucking cruel joke to make my body perform just like any other woman who can get pregnant on her own.  And to top it off?  I get that bitch every 25 days - and for those of you who don't have that fortunate situation - that translates to sometimes being 2 times in one month.  Isn't THAT a knee slapper?

Couldn't I at least catch a break and get a 30 day cycle?

Sigh...Right now I think my uterus is trying to make it's way out of my vagina.

Dreams - Do They Come True?

So, a couple of nights ago, I had this really vivid dream.

Derek and I were given a baby.  But it wasn't as if we had gone through the adoption process or anything.  Someone just dropped the cute little girl off with us.  But the funny thing was that we weren't even prepared for this event.  We had no furniture.  No diapers or clothes.  No carseat.

And the whole dream was about us trying to get to the store to buy things for our newly acquired infant.  (I yelled at Derek to drive carefully because I had to hold the baby (who was dressed in my Cabbage Patch Kid's clothes that were way too big on her and who was in a makeshift diaper made of several bandanas) as we drove to Tar.get to buy the necessary supplies for a newborn.  All the while she peed all over the place.

I wonder exactly what that means?

(Sorry about the multiple posts at once.  I have had them brewing in my head for the last couple of days and I just haven't had the time to just sit down and hammer them out!)

Progress At Last

After several weekends of not working on home improvements, we are finally making some progress.  We both had a 3 day weekend, so we are making the most of it.

The shower is actually starting to resemble a shower rather than a bunch of studs and a big black thing.  The backer board is up and we will be ready to start laying tile in the shower area tomorrow.

The vanity backsplash (which I refer to as the Wall-O-Tile) is halfway tiled.

Tomorrow I will finish the other side of the backsplash and then I will tile the shower floors.  I don't think I will be able to tile anything else though, because I won't be able to reach the area to be tile.

At times when I have been self sufficient in my tile preparations, Derek has been working on another phase of our landscaping project.  His parents had helped us to prepare the next bed area.  We had about 7 tons of egg sized river rock delivered today and he has been working on planting things and putting the rock in the bed.  I went to town tonight and picked up the rest of the plants that we needed to finish the landscaping on that side of the house.

If we finish at an early enough hour tomorrow night, I may try to post some pictures so you can all see just how kick ass we are and just how productive we can be given 3 straight days to work!

Couples Retreat

If you haven't seen this movie and don't want a spoiler, please read no further.  Or, if you want an IF heads up, by all means, please proceed.

Derek and I rented this from Red.box the other night.  I wasn't really sure what to expect - I had only seen the previews on TV and knew that the movie had to do with some couples who went to some paradise island for a retreat.  And, I heart Vince Vaughn.

We settled in - me with a bottle of water and Derek with a glass of wine.  The previews finish, the credits roll.  Dave (Vince Vaughn's character)'s little boy pees in a toilet in the showroom.  I am psyched to be having a movie night with my hubby.  Then comes the birthday party and the power point presentation.  Those of you who have seen the movie KNOW that the powerpoint lets us all know that Jason and Cynthia have been suffering from infertility and that it has put a large strain on their marriage and that they are considering a divorce.  *** And that the whole freaking POINT of this couple's retreat is to see if their marriage can make it.  I looked at Derek and he looked at me.  I asked Derek to pause the movie.

And then I went downstairs and got my own glass of wine.  A big one.

So, then we watched the rest of the movie.  After all, I do heart Vince Vaughn and the rental was a free one so who could waste that kind of money???  I know, I must be a masochist, right?

But the point of this post is that, although I waited for it, it never came; that moment where the infertile couple miraculously becomes pregnant just because of some romantic trip.  We all know that the only way that Hollywood knows how to portray an infertility plotline is that it will happen when you just relax!  I even watched the alternate ending to see if it was there.  And it wasn't.

So, kudos to you Mr. Screenwriters and Mr. Producer.  I take my hat off to you all for creating an movie in which an infertile couple lives happily ever after - even if that happily ever after means just surviving as a couple.

*** Disclaimer:  I have to admint that I thought the power point and timeline to their next possible attempt at procreation was funny - haven't we ALL thought about how long it would take for us or our partners to find someone they could have a child with???