OK, so as of today, Carder has been home for a week now. The last week has been a bit trying, as I am sure you can all imagine.
Getting used to the lack of sleep has probably been the toughest part. Since Derek has been working, I have been taking pretty much all of the feedings/changings/etc. by myself. I have been trying to sleep when he sleeps, but since I have other responsibilities after his feedings (namely, pumping) I am not getting as much sleep as he is. But, I think I am beginning to get the hang of this life without sleep thing. But don't quote me on that!
The other thing that has been tough to deal with is that I didn't get to have the "bringing baby home bonding time with just the 3 of us" that I had planned on. Just like everything else with this delivery, nothing has gone according to what I had planned. Derek wasn't able to get off of work for the days following Carder's release from the hospital. His mother has been kind enough to stay with us and has cooked us some wonderful meals, has cleaned my house and done laundry, and has run plenty of errands. She would even try to disappear for a couple of hours each night to give us time to bond without her there. BUT. Between the hormones, lack of sleep, and the worrying about my competence as a mother, it was a tough first week. Although there was no malice intended (just a new grandmother excited to witness every sweet facial expression and every grunt that he made and to have some bonding time of her own), there were several times that I felt as if her actions were saying that I was doing a terrible job being a mother or that she was checking up on me. I tried to keep these feelings contained and tried to only cry when I was in the shower, but I really struggled with the feeling of incompetence. This is something I have wanted for so long and I really want to do a GREAT job at it. To feel as if I was a failure already - just a few days in to bringing him home - was a tough pill to swallow. After a brief heated discussion, I think she and I sorted things out. And now, several days later and with some time to reflect on the situation, I know that she was feeling like she was doing everything she could to not interfere. I feel terrible that I felt such resentment and frustration for her actions, and I am going to blame the hormones. And also declare that the situation would have been just as bad regardless of WHO was helping me that first week.
The little guy has also had a bit of gassiness - he will grunt and groan and lift his little legs in the air and let out some of the biggest farts you have ever heard. Most of the time, these are accompanied by small amounts of poop as well (read - lots of dirty diaper changes). From the stories I have read from other people, this is just mild gassiness and could be much worse. Regardless, I hate to see him writhing in pain and we have started to use some gas drops a few times a day. This seems to be helping (or maybe I am just telling myself that it is). And before anyone suggests it - YES, I AM BURPING HIM. But he is a tough one to burp AND according to the Pediatrician, preemies have to learn to burp, just like they have to learn to do so many other things that they should have learned in utero.
Speaking of dirty diapers, I can't write this post without mentioning the SEVERAL times we have had 4 diaper changes. By this I mean that you have the original dirty diaper. You get him cleaned up and go to put on the new diaper and he passes gas and poops in the new diaper. So, you clean him AGAIN and get another diaper. While you are trying to get him re-Desitined up, he pees everywhere (clothes, changing pad, new diaper, and mommy and daddy are all subject to said sprays). So, after another clean up, you have the 4th diaper and it finally gets attached before anything else comes out. Good times, good stuff.
We had the 1st Pediatrician Appointment - Thursday, June 23 at 15 days old. Weight at 6 pounds, 9 ounces; Length - 20 inches (a gain of 3.5 ounces and 3/4 inch from release from hospital, almost a pound since birth and a full 2 inches in length). Apparently I am doing something right! :o) Everything else looks really good and I really like our Pediatrician - although he seems to be a baby himself. (When did I get so OLD???)
Breastfeeding (still will be getting it's own post) - but I wanted to let you know that milk production has been increasing (yay!) and I am now a couple of feedings ahead in the fridge (double yay!). The pediatrician suggested just putting him straight to breast (um, no thanks). I spoke to yet another lactation consultant and she basically said for me to transition to breast the way that I felt most comfortable. So, right now I am going with 1/2 of his feedings being put to breast first, then supplementing, and then pumping. This process takes FOREVER so I will be doing this at the 6 and the 12 feedings - that way Derek will be home for 3 of the 4 and he can assist with the supplemental feedings while I pump and I can (hopefully) get some more sleep. I have just made this decision, though, so we will see how this all plays out.
It is almost time for another feeding and I have a couple more things I need to do before the little man wakes up and is ready to eat again.
Oh, and speaking of waking up - the little guy has also had several periods of alertness for an hour or more at a time. And I have no idea what to do with him during this time. Besides stare into his beautiful blue eyes and tell him how much I love him. Or hold him and take in his sweet baby smell. Or thank GOD that our miracle has finally arrived.
QUESTIONS for my readers:
Just when with this hormonal roller coaster come to a stop? My emotions seem to still be swinging wildly at 17 days past birth. I am sure that Derek (and everyone else that I love and come into contact with on a routine basis) will appreciate it when the Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde routine ends!
Also, anyone have any suggestions on how to get the lanolin stains out of clothing? Not that it really matters because no one else is seeing them but me, but my bras are looking pretty oily. I know, nursing pads. But those things were annoying me and I dropped them like a bad habit. And now I have oil fields in my bras and sleeping shirts where my nipples are...
Monday, June 27, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Home At Last
On Monday morning, I went in for the 9am feeding at the NICU. As I was feeding him, the Neonatologist came to visit me. I found this a bit unusual - during the previous 10 days, the only times that he spoke to us was the day after Carder was born (to tell us his original assessment of Carder) and the second time was during the weekly Dr/Parent conference that our hospital holds for the NICU babies.
Actually, let me back up and say that over the last several days Carder's eating had been improving drastically. He still had some feedings that he wasn't taking the whole 51ML that was required of him. Up until Saturday, he still had his gravage tube in and the nurses used it as recently as Friday night to feed him at least a portion of his feeding. On Saturday, the tube was removed. Not by the nurses - but by Carder. Derek and I had given him a bath and were working to get him redressed. While we were working together, we both had our eyes off of him for 2 seconds and that little guy quickly grabbed his gravage tube and pulled it right out. The nurses didn't reinsert it - they decided to wait to see if he would need it again.
Anyway, back to Monday morning.
Dr. S - "Good Morning."
Me - No time to respond before Dr. S launches into the next topic
Dr. S. - "I have been watching Carder for the last couple of days. He has been doing really well and has been nippling every feeding. If you want, you can take him home today."
Me - In shock because the nurse the previous night had mentioned reinserting his gravage tube when he didn't finish his whole bottle and I broke down in tears. "Really? So he is doing well enough to go home"
Dr. S - "I don't see any need for him to lie around here anymore, unless you just want him to..."
Me - "No, no. I want to take my baby home.
Dr. S. - "OK, I will get things started on my end."
So, after a quick call to Derek, we determined that he could leave work that afternoon and we would bring our baby home from the hospital. He stayed in the NICU for a total of 11 days and received some very wonderful care while he was there. At the time he was discharged, he was up to 6 pounds 5 ounces and 19 1/2 inches long.
We got home around 5:30 that night, had a dinner prepared by my MIL, let the MIL and FIL hold him for a couple of minutes and prepared for our first feeding on our own. We even had bath time at home, which went wonderfully.
The first night was a bit nerve wrecking. When you are used to seeing him hooked up to monitors that verify he is breathing and that his heart is beating, it is difficult to go to sleep without the reassurance of the monitoring. I think we were both petrified that something would happen to him in the middle of the night. He is sleeping in our room in his pack and play bassinet (sans head rest because I began to freak out that he would suffocate himself on it). That first night, I can't tell you the number of times that Derek sneaked out of the bed to check to see if he was still breathing and then gave him a tender kiss on his little head. I never want to forget how seeing that warmed my heart.
I know I mentioned I would be posting more about breastfeeding later - and I will because I have so much I want to document about this journey - but I will tell you that THANKFULLY my milk has come in and I am able to supply my son with breast milk. Due to the need of the NICU to track what he eats, I have been pretty much exclusively pumping. We have attempted breast feeding a couple of times and have achieved a latch (and this, my friends, is a wonderful feeling). But, due to the big push to track what he was eating, I am hesitant to attempt to switch to breast feeding in one fail swoop. I have put him to breast a couple of times and have supplemented afterwards with pumped milk. My production at this point is basically covering what he eats and that is it. I am hoping to discuss a plan to switch to breast feeding with his pediatrician tomorrow.
Everything has been going pretty well - so far we have just had the typical middle of the night feedings sleep deprivation and a couple of non scheduled feedings. Today we also had a period of wakefulness for almost 3 hours after the noontime feeding that made it hard for me to get lunch and pump.
I am tired, but I am so madly in love with this little guy. I am hoping that in the next few days we will establish our own pattern and that I will have more time to post about the life of this little guy. I want to document all of these first days so that I will never forget them.
I am reading everyone else's blogs on my iPhone, but haven't had much time to comment - know that my thoughts are with all of you...
Actually, let me back up and say that over the last several days Carder's eating had been improving drastically. He still had some feedings that he wasn't taking the whole 51ML that was required of him. Up until Saturday, he still had his gravage tube in and the nurses used it as recently as Friday night to feed him at least a portion of his feeding. On Saturday, the tube was removed. Not by the nurses - but by Carder. Derek and I had given him a bath and were working to get him redressed. While we were working together, we both had our eyes off of him for 2 seconds and that little guy quickly grabbed his gravage tube and pulled it right out. The nurses didn't reinsert it - they decided to wait to see if he would need it again.
Anyway, back to Monday morning.
Dr. S - "Good Morning."
Me - No time to respond before Dr. S launches into the next topic
Dr. S. - "I have been watching Carder for the last couple of days. He has been doing really well and has been nippling every feeding. If you want, you can take him home today."
Me - In shock because the nurse the previous night had mentioned reinserting his gravage tube when he didn't finish his whole bottle and I broke down in tears. "Really? So he is doing well enough to go home"
Dr. S - "I don't see any need for him to lie around here anymore, unless you just want him to..."
Me - "No, no. I want to take my baby home.
Dr. S. - "OK, I will get things started on my end."
So, after a quick call to Derek, we determined that he could leave work that afternoon and we would bring our baby home from the hospital. He stayed in the NICU for a total of 11 days and received some very wonderful care while he was there. At the time he was discharged, he was up to 6 pounds 5 ounces and 19 1/2 inches long.
We got home around 5:30 that night, had a dinner prepared by my MIL, let the MIL and FIL hold him for a couple of minutes and prepared for our first feeding on our own. We even had bath time at home, which went wonderfully.
The first night was a bit nerve wrecking. When you are used to seeing him hooked up to monitors that verify he is breathing and that his heart is beating, it is difficult to go to sleep without the reassurance of the monitoring. I think we were both petrified that something would happen to him in the middle of the night. He is sleeping in our room in his pack and play bassinet (sans head rest because I began to freak out that he would suffocate himself on it). That first night, I can't tell you the number of times that Derek sneaked out of the bed to check to see if he was still breathing and then gave him a tender kiss on his little head. I never want to forget how seeing that warmed my heart.
I know I mentioned I would be posting more about breastfeeding later - and I will because I have so much I want to document about this journey - but I will tell you that THANKFULLY my milk has come in and I am able to supply my son with breast milk. Due to the need of the NICU to track what he eats, I have been pretty much exclusively pumping. We have attempted breast feeding a couple of times and have achieved a latch (and this, my friends, is a wonderful feeling). But, due to the big push to track what he was eating, I am hesitant to attempt to switch to breast feeding in one fail swoop. I have put him to breast a couple of times and have supplemented afterwards with pumped milk. My production at this point is basically covering what he eats and that is it. I am hoping to discuss a plan to switch to breast feeding with his pediatrician tomorrow.
Everything has been going pretty well - so far we have just had the typical middle of the night feedings sleep deprivation and a couple of non scheduled feedings. Today we also had a period of wakefulness for almost 3 hours after the noontime feeding that made it hard for me to get lunch and pump.
I am tired, but I am so madly in love with this little guy. I am hoping that in the next few days we will establish our own pattern and that I will have more time to post about the life of this little guy. I want to document all of these first days so that I will never forget them.
I am reading everyone else's blogs on my iPhone, but haven't had much time to comment - know that my thoughts are with all of you...
Friday, June 17, 2011
They Say It's Your Birthday...
Today is my 34th birthday.
Last year, just as it had been for the last several years, my birthday was a disaster. All day long, I was depressed because I thought I would never be able to grasp that golden ring of motherhood.
Today, I awoke with a smile. I have a son. I finally got my birthday wish.
And as I sat in the NICU, rocking my adorable baby boy after is 9am feeding, I wispered to my sweet little bundle of joy that he is the best birthday gift EVER.
And, as if he knew that it was my birthday, the little guy has had an excellent 24 hours of feedings. He has taken well over half of each bottle AND has eaten 2 of them entirely. He even woke up 30 minutes early for his 9 am feeding absolutely starving!
Last year, just as it had been for the last several years, my birthday was a disaster. All day long, I was depressed because I thought I would never be able to grasp that golden ring of motherhood.
Today, I awoke with a smile. I have a son. I finally got my birthday wish.
And as I sat in the NICU, rocking my adorable baby boy after is 9am feeding, I wispered to my sweet little bundle of joy that he is the best birthday gift EVER.
And, as if he knew that it was my birthday, the little guy has had an excellent 24 hours of feedings. He has taken well over half of each bottle AND has eaten 2 of them entirely. He even woke up 30 minutes early for his 9 am feeding absolutely starving!
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Carder at 5 Days Old
Thank you to everyone for all of the comments, emails, and text messages. I have loved every single one of them wishing our little family well! I apologize that it has taken me so long to provide an update, but I am sure you all understand that my time has been being spent doing something else very important.
First of all, here is a picture of our little guy from the OR right after delivery. He really is a cute little thing...
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| Carder in the OR, Moments After Birth |
He is doing pretty well. It took us a little while to figure out how things work in the NICU. Now that we have the swing of how they do things, we are trying to get into a routine. He feeds every 3 hours (3, 6, 9, 12) and if we are there, we can participate in the feedings and hold him. If you show up at a time other than his feeding, you can look at him, but you can't hold him because he needs his rest. So, we try to make these feedings as often as we can. At the feedings, we get to take his temperature and change his diaper. Each time, they spend some time teaching us things about him - secrets to how to feed him, burp him, take his temperature, how to give him his vitamins...Each day we learn something new.
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| 2 Days Old |
Last night we got to give him a bath - which was wonderful. We got to dress him for the first time after his bath. The newborn sleeper seemed so small on him! The nurse had warned us that after his bath, he would probably be worn out. Not our little guy. His bath perked him right up. After the bath and some time at breast, he was wide awake and alert. It was nice to see him opening his eyes and looking around. And he was such a happy little guy.
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| A Big Yawn in His First Clothes |
He is still doing really well with his breathing. There have been a couple of times that his O2 stats have dropped a little bit, but nothing has ever been in a dangerous level - his color has remained pink. BUT, I can tell you that when his stats drop and the alarm goes off, my heart rate shoot up drastically because it is just THAT scary.
He did have a little bit of jaundice and spent 2 days under the lights with his shades on. We liked to describe him as "chillin' at the beach". But, his levels have now dropped and he is out from under the lights.
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| Relaxing at the Beach |
Yesterday, they started dropping the temperature in the isollette to make sure that he could maintain his temperature. He had no problems with that at all and sometime between 10 last night and 6 this morning, he graduated to a crib - or as we have been calling it, "his big boy bed".
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| Open Crib |
His weight held steady at 5 lbs and 12 ounces for the first couple of days. Yesterday, his weight was at 5 lbs 14 ounces. Tonight, he weighed in at a hefty 6 pounds.
His feedings are still the biggest challenge. He is now eating from a bottle at most feedings. We have also attempted some breast feeding and he has latched and fed. He still isn't strong enough to make it through all of his bottle at his feedings and they are still giving him food through his gravage (feeding tube) for just about every feeding. When he feeds, he is still trying to coordinate the 83 muscles that it takes to suck-swallow-breathe at the same time. They keep saying that it will be like a light bulb going off and that one of these feedings, he will JUST GET IT.
I am spending as much time at the hospital with him as I can, but it is exhausting and I can't be there all day every day. I am trying to remind myself that I just had major surgery and that I need to be taking care of myself as well. Even though the feedings are every 3 hours and the time I spend with him seems to fly by, the days seem to drag by. These last 5 days have seemed like weeks. And it is hard to remember from one feeding to the next that he is only 3 hours older. I keep waiting on the edge of my seat for that "Aha!" moment for him. There are also the setback feedings - the ones where he did really well at the 3 feeding and then at the 6 feeding it seems as if there was a huge backslide. But, at these feedings, I need to remind myself that he is only 5 days old and I really should focus on how well he has been doing.
I knew that having a child in the NICU was going to be hard, but I never imagined just HOW hard it would be. I am sure that those people whose children were born at 27 weeks would look at me and laugh about how tramatic I am making this seem because their situations were so much more dire and scary than mine. The respect I have for these mothers has grown tenfold in the last few days. I don't know where they find the strength or energy to make it through every single day.
The day I was released from the hospital was awful. I cried and cried because I was struggling with how I could leave the hospital and leave my baby there. I ended up going to the gift shop and buying a stuffed monkey to sit in the NICU and watch over him when I couldn't be there. And yesterday and today have been better for me emotionally - but I have had at least one or two hysterical breakdowns each day. Lack of sleep probably isn't helping any with this either.
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I have so much more to say, but I need to pump and I am ready to head to bed. I will update more when I can...
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Welcome to the World, Carder Matthias
Derek and I welcomed Carder Matthias SXXXXXX into the world on Thursday, June 9, 2011. He weighed in at a healthy 5 pounds and 12 ounces and was 18 inches long. He has 10 beautiful long fingers, 10 tiny little toes (on some incredibly long feet) and he is absolutely the most precious little thing I have ever seen. And he has fat rolls (not to shabby for a preemie!). And most importantly, he is very healthy. He is residing in the NICU and probably will be for a couple of weeks. He is breathing room air, completely unassisted. He is tolerating milk/formula and is digesting everything. They feel it is best to ease him into attempting to bottle feed or breastfeed him, so he is still eating through a tube that goes down his nose into his stomach. But overall, he is doing very well and is a healthy boy.
As you can see, we finally picked a middle name. Matthias (pronounced Ma-thee-us) means "Gift From God". We both felt like picking a name that meant gift would be very appropriate and meaningful.
I will post a picture when I can, but the Internet connection here at the hospital is slow and I don't have the time or patience to wait on Blogger.
Now that you know the basics and the most important stuff, here is the more detailed story of his birth.
As my last post indicated, Cervidill was given to me on Wednesday at 5 pm to help to soften my cervix. This is done by placing a suppository with a cord on in next to the cervix and is quite painful as they have to dig around to place it. At the time of the medication, my cervix was slightly soft and dialated by a fingertip. (I accidentally pulled the dose out when going to the restroom at about 9 pm so they had to insert another dose.) Contractions started on their own during the night and were getting fairly intense. And the contractions were accompanied by a lot of back pain. Apparently I lost the Cervidill again sometime during the night because they could not locate it to remove it at 5am. Still dialated by a fingertip. I don't know if it was the excitement of knowing that I would be meeting Carder soon, the pain, or the fact that the nurse had to monitor me closely all night long with the Cervidill, but I hardly slept at all on Wednesday night. (Probably all 3)
I had a snack of Peanut Butter Toast (since I couldn't eat after they started the induction) and took a shower. The shower helped with the back pain and made the contractions more bearable. My doctor, Dr. Marvelous (or Dr. M for short), happened to be the Doctor on call on Thursday - a fact that I was very thankful for.
Dr. M inserted an internal contraction monitor and the Pitocin was started at 6 am and the dose was increased by 2 units every 30 minutes. My body started reacting shortly after the Pitocin was started. Within a couple of hours, I was having strong contractions that were about 2 minutes apart. However, Carder's heart rate indicated that he wasn't handling the contractions the best - it would drop after the peak of every contraction. It wasn't dropping to a dangerous level, but it concerned the nurse. She stopped the Pitocin, told me no more water or ice chips and called Dr. M. (At this point, I figured we would be having a C-Section and I cried.) Dr. M showed up within 30 minutes and looked at everything and said that it wasn't dropping enough to stop the process, so the Pitocin was started again. This time, the Pitocin was increased by 1 unit each time. I started having strong contractions shortly afterwards, but this time the contractions were more irregular - short/long, 2 minutes to 5 minutes apart, etc. However, Carder's heart was responding much better to the gradual increase. The back pain returned with a vengeance. Sitting on the birthing ball was my salvation.
At 7 pm and 13 hours into the Pitocin, I was exhausted. I was wondering how I was going to get through several more hours of this and still have the ability to push. THIS was why I had feared induction so much.
Dr. M came in to check on me. As he was checking, he told the nurse "Stop the Pit." She looked at me and shrugged. Dr. M left to get my chart and was gone for a while. When he returned, he let me know that after 13 hours of contractions, I had not dialated AT ALL. Our 3 options were to:
Once the incision was made and someone said that his head was out, it felt like an absolute eternity until I heard him cry. But once he did cry, he wailed. And he didn't stop. Neither did the flow of my tears. He had arrived and he was breathing. Everyone exclaimed what a big boy he was. Derek cut the cord and they brought him over so that I could catch a glimpse of him before they whisked him away to the NICU.
During my recovery, Dr. M came to talk to us about how everything went. It turns out that his umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck - which isn't all that uncommon - but could have been dangerous during a vaginal birth. More startling was that he had what is called a "true knot" in his cord. This knot was probably formed during the first trimester when he had more room to swim around. It did not hinder his development through the 34 weeks and 5 days in utero. However, some time on Google let us know that true knots only happen in 1% of pregnancies. True knots have been reported to lead to a 4-fold increase in fetal loss, presumably because of compression of the cord vessels when the knot tightens. And they are riskiest in babies who are measuring large for their gestational age. (Carder's size at 34 weeks and 2 days was over 35 weeks).
This may sound a bit melodramatic, but my water breaking early and my body's resistance to going into labor could have saved our little boy's life.
In addition, Dr. M found a fibroid cyst on the back of my uterus when he was finishing up the C-Section. He removed the cyst and it has been sent off for biopsy. These are typically non-cancerous but can be a cause of infertility. They can cause heavy bleeding and painful periods. They can also cause complications during pregnancy and labor - labor not progressing, placental abruption, preterm labor...
After my recovery, they wheeled my gurney down to the NICU so that I could get a good look at him and I got to touch him through the side windows of the isolette. We got back to the room after midnight. Even though I was absolutely exhausted, I started the process of pumping my breast milk. I have a whole other post to write about breastfeeding...and more to write about these first hours as parents...and how it feels to have a baby in the NICU...but to be perfectly honest, I am exhausted and sore and I will have to leave all of that for another time.
Although I am tired and sore, I feel like the luckiest woman in the whole wide world and I am madly in love with my son.
As you can see, we finally picked a middle name. Matthias (pronounced Ma-thee-us) means "Gift From God". We both felt like picking a name that meant gift would be very appropriate and meaningful.
I will post a picture when I can, but the Internet connection here at the hospital is slow and I don't have the time or patience to wait on Blogger.
Now that you know the basics and the most important stuff, here is the more detailed story of his birth.
As my last post indicated, Cervidill was given to me on Wednesday at 5 pm to help to soften my cervix. This is done by placing a suppository with a cord on in next to the cervix and is quite painful as they have to dig around to place it. At the time of the medication, my cervix was slightly soft and dialated by a fingertip. (I accidentally pulled the dose out when going to the restroom at about 9 pm so they had to insert another dose.) Contractions started on their own during the night and were getting fairly intense. And the contractions were accompanied by a lot of back pain. Apparently I lost the Cervidill again sometime during the night because they could not locate it to remove it at 5am. Still dialated by a fingertip. I don't know if it was the excitement of knowing that I would be meeting Carder soon, the pain, or the fact that the nurse had to monitor me closely all night long with the Cervidill, but I hardly slept at all on Wednesday night. (Probably all 3)
I had a snack of Peanut Butter Toast (since I couldn't eat after they started the induction) and took a shower. The shower helped with the back pain and made the contractions more bearable. My doctor, Dr. Marvelous (or Dr. M for short), happened to be the Doctor on call on Thursday - a fact that I was very thankful for.
Dr. M inserted an internal contraction monitor and the Pitocin was started at 6 am and the dose was increased by 2 units every 30 minutes. My body started reacting shortly after the Pitocin was started. Within a couple of hours, I was having strong contractions that were about 2 minutes apart. However, Carder's heart rate indicated that he wasn't handling the contractions the best - it would drop after the peak of every contraction. It wasn't dropping to a dangerous level, but it concerned the nurse. She stopped the Pitocin, told me no more water or ice chips and called Dr. M. (At this point, I figured we would be having a C-Section and I cried.) Dr. M showed up within 30 minutes and looked at everything and said that it wasn't dropping enough to stop the process, so the Pitocin was started again. This time, the Pitocin was increased by 1 unit each time. I started having strong contractions shortly afterwards, but this time the contractions were more irregular - short/long, 2 minutes to 5 minutes apart, etc. However, Carder's heart was responding much better to the gradual increase. The back pain returned with a vengeance. Sitting on the birthing ball was my salvation.
At 7 pm and 13 hours into the Pitocin, I was exhausted. I was wondering how I was going to get through several more hours of this and still have the ability to push. THIS was why I had feared induction so much.
Dr. M came in to check on me. As he was checking, he told the nurse "Stop the Pit." She looked at me and shrugged. Dr. M left to get my chart and was gone for a while. When he returned, he let me know that after 13 hours of contractions, I had not dialated AT ALL. Our 3 options were to:
- Try more Cervidill overnight and start again the next morning
- Wait to see if natural labor would kick in
- Have a C-Section
Once the incision was made and someone said that his head was out, it felt like an absolute eternity until I heard him cry. But once he did cry, he wailed. And he didn't stop. Neither did the flow of my tears. He had arrived and he was breathing. Everyone exclaimed what a big boy he was. Derek cut the cord and they brought him over so that I could catch a glimpse of him before they whisked him away to the NICU.
During my recovery, Dr. M came to talk to us about how everything went. It turns out that his umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck - which isn't all that uncommon - but could have been dangerous during a vaginal birth. More startling was that he had what is called a "true knot" in his cord. This knot was probably formed during the first trimester when he had more room to swim around. It did not hinder his development through the 34 weeks and 5 days in utero. However, some time on Google let us know that true knots only happen in 1% of pregnancies. True knots have been reported to lead to a 4-fold increase in fetal loss, presumably because of compression of the cord vessels when the knot tightens. And they are riskiest in babies who are measuring large for their gestational age. (Carder's size at 34 weeks and 2 days was over 35 weeks).
This may sound a bit melodramatic, but my water breaking early and my body's resistance to going into labor could have saved our little boy's life.
In addition, Dr. M found a fibroid cyst on the back of my uterus when he was finishing up the C-Section. He removed the cyst and it has been sent off for biopsy. These are typically non-cancerous but can be a cause of infertility. They can cause heavy bleeding and painful periods. They can also cause complications during pregnancy and labor - labor not progressing, placental abruption, preterm labor...
After my recovery, they wheeled my gurney down to the NICU so that I could get a good look at him and I got to touch him through the side windows of the isolette. We got back to the room after midnight. Even though I was absolutely exhausted, I started the process of pumping my breast milk. I have a whole other post to write about breastfeeding...and more to write about these first hours as parents...and how it feels to have a baby in the NICU...but to be perfectly honest, I am exhausted and sore and I will have to leave all of that for another time.
Although I am tired and sore, I feel like the luckiest woman in the whole wide world and I am madly in love with my son.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Update from Labor and Delivery
Last night was fairly uneventful. I haven't had any heavy contractions and I am not dilated. I had my second steroid shot at 6:30 this morning. They gave me a dose of Cervidill to soften my Cervix to hopefully make the induction tomorrow a little easier. I was told that sometimes this medicine will be enough to kick start labor and get things rolling. I guess only time will tell. They will remove the medicine at 5 am tomorrow morning and start the Pitocin at about 6.
I had really hoped to NOT be induced. All of the birth stories I have read about induction seem like it is a very slow process and many have seemed to have some very difficult labors/births when induced. Perhaps these 2 things are unrelated, but that has been my take on things.
Regardless of me feelings on this, it seems that the ball will begin rolling downhill by 6 am tomorrow at the latest. However small the incline on that hill may be and however long it takes that ball to roll to the bottom of the hill.
I am also hoping to forgo a C-Section. But, once again I have no preconceived notion that I have any control over this process. I am trying to just let go and let the process be what it will be.
I found out I am allergic to one of the antibiotics I was being given. The first dose went in my IV just fine, the second one burned a bit. The third one burnt A LOT. Each time I reported this, they attempted to change the speed and the dilution of the antibiotic, saying that the antibiotic was a very strong one that is often tough on the veins. By the one that was a 6 this morning, I felt as if my arm was on fire - it was itching and burning all over the arm, not just at the site of the IV. An inspection of my arm showed redness. My checks were red as well and my breasts and stomach were also red. Since I am on 2 antibiotics and the steroids, it was a several hour ordeal to figure out which one they thought was causing the reaction. I think we got it figured out, though, and my next round of IVs was much less painful. They did have to move my IV site though - the one on the left arm was burning with just the saline drip, so they determined that my vein had been through all it wanted to take.
I met with a social worker today (she meets with all families who have babies going into the NICU to explain their role and how they help). I also met with a lactation consultant. She has assured me that she thinks the presence of the colostrum means that I will definitely be able to breastfeed and she is going to work with me to help get my milk production to a maximum over those first few days. I have a website to look at tonight to learn about manually expressing as well.
My mom has decided to come up for the birth. She left at 2 this afternoon and is making the long trek all by herself. I am very glad she has decided to come. I know that it will mean a lot to both of us for her to be able to be here to meet her grandson shortly after his birth.
I guess that is it for now...I will try to keep you all updated as I can. Wish us luck and send us some prayers!
P.S. - Just in case you were wondering, NO, we still haven't picked a middle name. Nothing like waiting for the last minute, huh?
I had really hoped to NOT be induced. All of the birth stories I have read about induction seem like it is a very slow process and many have seemed to have some very difficult labors/births when induced. Perhaps these 2 things are unrelated, but that has been my take on things.
Regardless of me feelings on this, it seems that the ball will begin rolling downhill by 6 am tomorrow at the latest. However small the incline on that hill may be and however long it takes that ball to roll to the bottom of the hill.
I am also hoping to forgo a C-Section. But, once again I have no preconceived notion that I have any control over this process. I am trying to just let go and let the process be what it will be.
I found out I am allergic to one of the antibiotics I was being given. The first dose went in my IV just fine, the second one burned a bit. The third one burnt A LOT. Each time I reported this, they attempted to change the speed and the dilution of the antibiotic, saying that the antibiotic was a very strong one that is often tough on the veins. By the one that was a 6 this morning, I felt as if my arm was on fire - it was itching and burning all over the arm, not just at the site of the IV. An inspection of my arm showed redness. My checks were red as well and my breasts and stomach were also red. Since I am on 2 antibiotics and the steroids, it was a several hour ordeal to figure out which one they thought was causing the reaction. I think we got it figured out, though, and my next round of IVs was much less painful. They did have to move my IV site though - the one on the left arm was burning with just the saline drip, so they determined that my vein had been through all it wanted to take.
I met with a social worker today (she meets with all families who have babies going into the NICU to explain their role and how they help). I also met with a lactation consultant. She has assured me that she thinks the presence of the colostrum means that I will definitely be able to breastfeed and she is going to work with me to help get my milk production to a maximum over those first few days. I have a website to look at tonight to learn about manually expressing as well.
My mom has decided to come up for the birth. She left at 2 this afternoon and is making the long trek all by herself. I am very glad she has decided to come. I know that it will mean a lot to both of us for her to be able to be here to meet her grandson shortly after his birth.
I guess that is it for now...I will try to keep you all updated as I can. Wish us luck and send us some prayers!
P.S. - Just in case you were wondering, NO, we still haven't picked a middle name. Nothing like waiting for the last minute, huh?
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Residing in Labor and Delivery
Yesterday, I had my weekly OB appointment and NST. We had taken our first Childbirth Preparation class last Wednesday and I was concerned about the signs of preterm labor. I had been having some pressure low in my abdomen and an increase in Braxton Hicks contractions. I had also had a slight increase in discharge. Dr. M let me know that since we had reached 34 weeks, if preterm labor arrived, they wouldn't do anything to stop it. According to his statistics regarding our birthing hospital, survival statistics and developmental delays were the same for a baby at 34 weeks vs. a baby at 38 weeks (full term).
Little did I know that this conversation would have so much meaning less than 24 hours later.
We went to bed last night at around 10:30. At 3:30 in the morning, I moved to roll over to the other side. When I rolled, I felt a warm liquid running down my leg. My first thought was that it was blood and that I had just changed the sheets. When I stood up, there was a substantial gush of warm fluid. I flipped on the bathroom light and was shocked to see that there was no blood but my underwear were soaked. The fluid was clear and there was no smell. I needed to use the bathroom, so I sat down and another gush happened. I urinated and that fluid was clearly the color of - well - urine. So, after just a moment's hesitation, I called out to Derek and said that I was pretty sure my water just broke*. After repeating this to him (because I woke him from a dead sleep), he was up like a bolt of lightning and rushing around. A call into the hospital prompted a very quick return call from the on call Dr. at our OB's office. She told me to head on in to the hospital to get checked out.
We only live about 2 blocks from the hospital, so we made it there in no time. I guess I hadn't really done very much research on what happens when your water broke. I assumed the painful contractions would come first. Once your water breaks, you continue to leak amniotic fluid until the baby is born. Granted, it isn't constant, but it can be released during a change in position or a contraction or a cough or sneeze.
I went into the Maternity Triage area and the nurse determined that my nurse determined that my water had broken and that I had not just urinated on myself by looking at the leaking fluid. I was given another NST, this time with the added monitoring for contractions - at which point I learned I was actually contracting and just wasn't feeling it. It was determined at that time that I would be admitted to the hospital. It was at THAT point that I started to freak out a little bit.
We weren't ready for this. Since we had yet to pack our hospital bags, there were so many things that didn't make it into the suitcase at 3:30 in the morning. I guess I thought they would be just sending me home to wait for the contractions to come and for real labor to start. I don't think I was mentally prepared that we would be told that he would be here until his birth. Nor was I quite prepared that his arrival could be so soon. We had only taken 1 Childbirth Prep class out of the 4. We haven't had our breastfeeding class. We haven't had our newborn preparation class yet. I haven't learned Lamaze breathing yet...
On top of that, we didn't have the laptop, our camera, our camcorder...I began to panic about how we would take our first baby photos if all we had were our iPhones. I mean, after all, living 2 blocks away from the Hospital meant that Derek couldn't run back home to get what we needed, right? Yeah, not so rational at 4 in the morning.
The doctor on call changed shortly after I arrived at the hospital. When he came to see me, we determined the course of action to take. A quick ultrasound revealed that Carder is head down and that there was still amniotic fluid surrounding him. This meant that was no need for an emergency C-Section. The doctor on call indicated that he thought it would be best to attempt to get the 2 steroid doses and see if we could make it the necessary 48 hours without my body going into full blown labor. If I make it to that point, I will be induced on Thursday. The reason for this is that at that point, the risk of infection outweighs the benefits of attempting to keep him inside any longer.
They are anticipating that he will need to stay in the NICU for a minimum of 2 weeks, but he could have to stay for as long as until his due date or later. The main concern for babies of his gestational age (besides lung development) is the suck-swallow-breathe reflex to make sure he can eat without choking. We had a tour of the NICU this morning. I have to say that was probably the scariest part of this ordeal so far.
An IV was started and I have received a couple of doses of antibiotics to prevent infection for both Carder and myself. I have received my first dose of steroids and I will be receiving the next dose tomorrow morning. I am getting monitoring every few hours. So far, everything looks good.
My parents had come to visit this past weekend and had just flown back to Georgia on Monday morning. I think my Mom is devastated that she left just before everything happened. Of course, we had no way of knowing that this was going to happen. I have tried to convince her and my dad to turn around and come back to Michigan for the delivery. After all, with this scenario, they can actually make it here for Carder's birth and get to meet him. They are trying to decide what they will do. Derek's parents arrived this morning to help do what they can in the mean time. Derek's mom has gone shopping for some preemie clothes and she will be doing some more shopping for us once he arrives and we know more of what to expect as far as an anticipated take home date.
I will post an update later when I know anything else.
* My plan was to take the line from Juno and yell out "Thundercats are go" if and when my water broke. I was so shocked that I completely forgot this until we had already been admitted to the hospital...
Little did I know that this conversation would have so much meaning less than 24 hours later.
We went to bed last night at around 10:30. At 3:30 in the morning, I moved to roll over to the other side. When I rolled, I felt a warm liquid running down my leg. My first thought was that it was blood and that I had just changed the sheets. When I stood up, there was a substantial gush of warm fluid. I flipped on the bathroom light and was shocked to see that there was no blood but my underwear were soaked. The fluid was clear and there was no smell. I needed to use the bathroom, so I sat down and another gush happened. I urinated and that fluid was clearly the color of - well - urine. So, after just a moment's hesitation, I called out to Derek and said that I was pretty sure my water just broke*. After repeating this to him (because I woke him from a dead sleep), he was up like a bolt of lightning and rushing around. A call into the hospital prompted a very quick return call from the on call Dr. at our OB's office. She told me to head on in to the hospital to get checked out.
We only live about 2 blocks from the hospital, so we made it there in no time. I guess I hadn't really done very much research on what happens when your water broke. I assumed the painful contractions would come first. Once your water breaks, you continue to leak amniotic fluid until the baby is born. Granted, it isn't constant, but it can be released during a change in position or a contraction or a cough or sneeze.
I went into the Maternity Triage area and the nurse determined that my nurse determined that my water had broken and that I had not just urinated on myself by looking at the leaking fluid. I was given another NST, this time with the added monitoring for contractions - at which point I learned I was actually contracting and just wasn't feeling it. It was determined at that time that I would be admitted to the hospital. It was at THAT point that I started to freak out a little bit.
We weren't ready for this. Since we had yet to pack our hospital bags, there were so many things that didn't make it into the suitcase at 3:30 in the morning. I guess I thought they would be just sending me home to wait for the contractions to come and for real labor to start. I don't think I was mentally prepared that we would be told that he would be here until his birth. Nor was I quite prepared that his arrival could be so soon. We had only taken 1 Childbirth Prep class out of the 4. We haven't had our breastfeeding class. We haven't had our newborn preparation class yet. I haven't learned Lamaze breathing yet...
On top of that, we didn't have the laptop, our camera, our camcorder...I began to panic about how we would take our first baby photos if all we had were our iPhones. I mean, after all, living 2 blocks away from the Hospital meant that Derek couldn't run back home to get what we needed, right? Yeah, not so rational at 4 in the morning.
The doctor on call changed shortly after I arrived at the hospital. When he came to see me, we determined the course of action to take. A quick ultrasound revealed that Carder is head down and that there was still amniotic fluid surrounding him. This meant that was no need for an emergency C-Section. The doctor on call indicated that he thought it would be best to attempt to get the 2 steroid doses and see if we could make it the necessary 48 hours without my body going into full blown labor. If I make it to that point, I will be induced on Thursday. The reason for this is that at that point, the risk of infection outweighs the benefits of attempting to keep him inside any longer.
They are anticipating that he will need to stay in the NICU for a minimum of 2 weeks, but he could have to stay for as long as until his due date or later. The main concern for babies of his gestational age (besides lung development) is the suck-swallow-breathe reflex to make sure he can eat without choking. We had a tour of the NICU this morning. I have to say that was probably the scariest part of this ordeal so far.
An IV was started and I have received a couple of doses of antibiotics to prevent infection for both Carder and myself. I have received my first dose of steroids and I will be receiving the next dose tomorrow morning. I am getting monitoring every few hours. So far, everything looks good.
My parents had come to visit this past weekend and had just flown back to Georgia on Monday morning. I think my Mom is devastated that she left just before everything happened. Of course, we had no way of knowing that this was going to happen. I have tried to convince her and my dad to turn around and come back to Michigan for the delivery. After all, with this scenario, they can actually make it here for Carder's birth and get to meet him. They are trying to decide what they will do. Derek's parents arrived this morning to help do what they can in the mean time. Derek's mom has gone shopping for some preemie clothes and she will be doing some more shopping for us once he arrives and we know more of what to expect as far as an anticipated take home date.
I will post an update later when I know anything else.
* My plan was to take the line from Juno and yell out "Thundercats are go" if and when my water broke. I was so shocked that I completely forgot this until we had already been admitted to the hospital...
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