17 months ago, a lady who works for me (who was 40 at the time) passed me in the race to motherhood. I didn't feel so bad about this because she was, after all, 40.
For the last few weeks, she has been exhibiting signs that have made me wonder if she had something baking in the oven.
Today the rumor mill passed along the information that she is, in fact, pregnant again at 42.
Damn It. Lapped Again.
I know in my heart that our plan for making our lives happier before we move forward with adoption is the right thing to do. After all, I think that the waiting will be more tolerable when we aren't counting the minutes until change can happen.
But there are times, like today, that I feel torn by this decision. Is putting adoption on hold the right thing to do??? After all, it has now been over 8 months since our last fertility treatment and we are no closer to having a child. If we had just signed on the dotted line, would we have a baby by now? We aren't getting any younger (as evidenced by the birthdays we both had last month).
It is hard to know if the path you are following is the right course of action sometimes. Both paths will lead you to the same place in the end. One path is longer, you are happier while you walk it, and because you are happier with your path, you are a happier parent. The other path may be shorter, but certain parts of the path won't be as rosy.
And most days I can feel certain that the path we are walking down is the right one for us. But other days, like today, I just feel downright shitty about the path we have chosen.
3 comments:
Carli, I am sorry; that stinks, 40+ years old or not.
I know there are lots of things that make you second guess your decisions IF related, but I think if you have any doubts about persuing adoption at the present time, that's enough to know for certain that it's not the right time for you to take that path. Something is making you wait- even if you don't know what it is yet. And some day you'll know why you needed to wait so the baby that was meant to be a part of your family is able to join it at just the right time.
Also- when are you going to be in MI again? I so want to meet you and Derek in person. I am determined to find a way to make it work!
Lots of hugs for you, Carli! You were able to put it into such great perspective when she was PG the first time. So, it has got to hurt watching her a second time.
I hate how you feel like you are doing so much waiting and that it is in moments like these when you have doubts about whether or not you should have started the adoption process. Katie said it best.
Love you!
Oh, Carli. I am so sorry. Getting lapped royally sucks, no matter who laps you. As for the doubts you are having, I think only you and your husband know in your hearts what is the right path for you. Maybe these doubts are only brought on by the pregnancy announcement, but maybe they are legitimate doubts that you need to consider before moving down the path you've chosen. No one else can make these choices for you (although, sometimes, I wish someone would do it for me!). Follow your heart and it will lead you in the right direction.
(((hugs)))
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