OK, so as of today, Carder has been home for a week now. The last week has been a bit trying, as I am sure you can all imagine.
Getting used to the lack of sleep has probably been the toughest part. Since Derek has been working, I have been taking pretty much all of the feedings/changings/etc. by myself. I have been trying to sleep when he sleeps, but since I have other responsibilities after his feedings (namely, pumping) I am not getting as much sleep as he is. But, I think I am beginning to get the hang of this life without sleep thing. But don't quote me on that!
The other thing that has been tough to deal with is that I didn't get to have the "bringing baby home bonding time with just the 3 of us" that I had planned on. Just like everything else with this delivery, nothing has gone according to what I had planned. Derek wasn't able to get off of work for the days following Carder's release from the hospital. His mother has been kind enough to stay with us and has cooked us some wonderful meals, has cleaned my house and done laundry, and has run plenty of errands. She would even try to disappear for a couple of hours each night to give us time to bond without her there. BUT. Between the hormones, lack of sleep, and the worrying about my competence as a mother, it was a tough first week. Although there was no malice intended (just a new grandmother excited to witness every sweet facial expression and every grunt that he made and to have some bonding time of her own), there were several times that I felt as if her actions were saying that I was doing a terrible job being a mother or that she was checking up on me. I tried to keep these feelings contained and tried to only cry when I was in the shower, but I really struggled with the feeling of incompetence. This is something I have wanted for so long and I really want to do a GREAT job at it. To feel as if I was a failure already - just a few days in to bringing him home - was a tough pill to swallow. After a brief heated discussion, I think she and I sorted things out. And now, several days later and with some time to reflect on the situation, I know that she was feeling like she was doing everything she could to not interfere. I feel terrible that I felt such resentment and frustration for her actions, and I am going to blame the hormones. And also declare that the situation would have been just as bad regardless of WHO was helping me that first week.
The little guy has also had a bit of gassiness - he will grunt and groan and lift his little legs in the air and let out some of the biggest farts you have ever heard. Most of the time, these are accompanied by small amounts of poop as well (read - lots of dirty diaper changes). From the stories I have read from other people, this is just mild gassiness and could be much worse. Regardless, I hate to see him writhing in pain and we have started to use some gas drops a few times a day. This seems to be helping (or maybe I am just telling myself that it is). And before anyone suggests it - YES, I AM BURPING HIM. But he is a tough one to burp AND according to the Pediatrician, preemies have to learn to burp, just like they have to learn to do so many other things that they should have learned in utero.
Speaking of dirty diapers, I can't write this post without mentioning the SEVERAL times we have had 4 diaper changes. By this I mean that you have the original dirty diaper. You get him cleaned up and go to put on the new diaper and he passes gas and poops in the new diaper. So, you clean him AGAIN and get another diaper. While you are trying to get him re-Desitined up, he pees everywhere (clothes, changing pad, new diaper, and mommy and daddy are all subject to said sprays). So, after another clean up, you have the 4th diaper and it finally gets attached before anything else comes out. Good times, good stuff.
We had the 1st Pediatrician Appointment - Thursday, June 23 at 15 days old. Weight at 6 pounds, 9 ounces; Length - 20 inches (a gain of 3.5 ounces and 3/4 inch from release from hospital, almost a pound since birth and a full 2 inches in length). Apparently I am doing something right! :o) Everything else looks really good and I really like our Pediatrician - although he seems to be a baby himself. (When did I get so OLD???)
Breastfeeding (still will be getting it's own post) - but I wanted to let you know that milk production has been increasing (yay!) and I am now a couple of feedings ahead in the fridge (double yay!). The pediatrician suggested just putting him straight to breast (um, no thanks). I spoke to yet another lactation consultant and she basically said for me to transition to breast the way that I felt most comfortable. So, right now I am going with 1/2 of his feedings being put to breast first, then supplementing, and then pumping. This process takes FOREVER so I will be doing this at the 6 and the 12 feedings - that way Derek will be home for 3 of the 4 and he can assist with the supplemental feedings while I pump and I can (hopefully) get some more sleep. I have just made this decision, though, so we will see how this all plays out.
It is almost time for another feeding and I have a couple more things I need to do before the little man wakes up and is ready to eat again.
Oh, and speaking of waking up - the little guy has also had several periods of alertness for an hour or more at a time. And I have no idea what to do with him during this time. Besides stare into his beautiful blue eyes and tell him how much I love him. Or hold him and take in his sweet baby smell. Or thank GOD that our miracle has finally arrived.
QUESTIONS for my readers:
Just when with this hormonal roller coaster come to a stop? My emotions seem to still be swinging wildly at 17 days past birth. I am sure that Derek (and everyone else that I love and come into contact with on a routine basis) will appreciate it when the Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde routine ends!
Also, anyone have any suggestions on how to get the lanolin stains out of clothing? Not that it really matters because no one else is seeing them but me, but my bras are looking pretty oily. I know, nursing pads. But those things were annoying me and I dropped them like a bad habit. And now I have oil fields in my bras and sleeping shirts where my nipples are...
6 comments:
I can't help with the hormones or breastfeeding questions but I can relate on the lack of sleep! It does get better! And have you heard of pee pee tp's (or something like that) for little boys? It's a little triangle thing that you put over his "pee pee" while you're changing his diaper to protect yourself- ha!
Oh Carli, this post brings back so many memories. I was ready to kill my in-laws during the first couple of weeks after bringing Camden home from the hospital, but looking back, I know it was really just my hormones blowing tiny things out of proportion (whatever-- that's our right as first time moms!!). Anyway, I found that I started feeling like my old self again around the 6 week mark. The raging hormones seemed to subside some and Camden started sleeping in longer stretches then (like 5 hours), so I was getting a bit more sleep. And I totally agree with you that the lack of sleep is the hardest thing to get used to-- I'm still not totally used to it, 19 months later! But it does get easier. I also remember feeling like I had no clue what to do with Camden during his waking hours at that age. And really- there's not a whole lot you CAN do with them so don't feel like you're slacking by just staring at him and telling him how much you love him. :) Trust me, the days when he won't let you have a second of down time during his waking hours will come quickly enough. Oh, and Carli? You're a fantastic mom. No, I've never seen you in action with Carder, but I just know it because through all of our correspondence throughout the past few years, it's so obvious what a good heart you have. You'll feel incompetent at times (I still have those days!!), but Carder won't know that you're winging it. All he'll know is how much his mama loves him. :) Hang in there, girlie-- you're in the midst of "survival mode" right now but it'll be over before you know it and you'll feel like a brand new woman. :)
Um, I just asked Jake how long my hormones were haywire, and he said 14 months. :P Well, then he said he was too sleep deprived to remember. I think I was too! Maybe a month? Reflux hit hard around 6 weeks for us, so I was an emotional wreck then because of that, so maybe I'm not the best judge of normal hormone balancing time.
Long wake time suggestions: look into baby massage. There's certain motions that will ease gas pain, plus it is good bonding time. I will mail you a DVD I have, since I don't need it anymore. :) Read books (its a good habit to start- I can't help it- it's the teacher in me, you know). Sing to him (no matter what your singing ability is). Tummy time (we started right away, although I know some people don't). Walk hime around your home and explain things to him. I realized I parked in the living room most often, and there were parts of our house that they had never seen. So I showed them. :) Go for a walk. Hope those ideas help!
I know how hard it was for me because I wanted so badly to do such a great job, and I think us IFers hold ourselves to a higher (too high) standard during those early days. Everyone has to take time to figure things out. The fact that you care so much about doing a GREAT job means you ARE doing a great job. Having a newborn/baby/toddler is a long series of decisions you make that you have no idea if you are making the right choice or not. I never realized just how true that was until after Sam and Anna were born. You just do the best you can, and that's enough.
Love you! Now stop reading this and go take a nap!
I have absolutely no answers for you but I am loving every detail so I can learn!
Ahhh, the hormones....I think it was 12 weeks before I stopped having hot flashes felt more "normal" (whatever that is!).
Can't help with the lanolin stains, however I'm a fan of the tide gel stain stuff...seems to work on everything else. I leaked so bad, I had to use pads until my girls chilled out.
Gassiness might be related to dairy consumption. My daughter was super sensitive and greatly improved when I stopped eating ice cream and drinking milk. She just had to learn to deal when I had cheese. :) Also, Hylands homeopathic colic/gas tabs were very helpful.
As far as sleep...I pumped middle of the night and my husband handled that feeding so I only had to be up about 15 minutes. My babies got much more proficient and faster with nursing the more I got them latched on...it does get better and eventually is faster than bottles and pumping. They were preemies too, so it took a little longer to get there.
Hang in there! It does get easier! Rest assured that babies are raised a ton of different ways and that in all reality we're all just winging it...and the kids turn out fine. :)
Carli, the fact that you're so worried about it is what makes you a great mom. It's all trial and error in the beginning and unfortunately we all have to learn the hard way! The love that's in your heart is all that matters!
Hormones: I had a hard time. Things started to settle down about the time I went back to work, so 7 or 8 weeks? But shortly after that I developed PPD and it actually got even worse. I'm sure this is different for everyone, just like everything else! Don't worry, though... your body will become balanced again and you'll start to feel "normal" before you know it! BTW... if you can contain it to just while you're in the shower, you're better off than I was! lol.
Oil stains: Someone I know just suggested rubbing/soaking in a little dawn dishsoap before washing. It breaks up grease, right? I haven't tried it (just heard that today actually) but it makes sense!
Long wake times: We cuddled a lot. And we started tummy time right away. And we read. And we sang. And we did photo shoots. Lots of those! I remember really having to use my imagination to keep her occupied with things that would teach her about the world around her. If I was using that time to cook or clean, I'd explain to her every little thing I was doing.
Gassiness: I love the gas drops! Kennedy had to learn how to burp too. Now she just farts a lot ;) Aside from burping, and making sure your bottles are free of excess air, I don't think there's much else you can do. Hang in there! It will seem like this phase lasts forever, but they need it less and less before you know it!
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