It's Harder Than I Thought

When Grandma passed away on Wednesday morning, I had a decision to make.  Would I go BACK to Georgia for the funeral or not? 

If I hadn't just been down to say my goodbyes to Grandma, I would have gone no matter what.  Originally, the visitation and interment were going to be done in one day (and there is a 3 hour drive between the two cities) and it could have been as early as Thursday.  I didn't find out until almost lunch time on Wednesday that the service would be on Friday.  By 3 on Wednesday I found out there was a visitation added on Thursday night.

We had just gotten home late Monday night.  The drive was 15 hours give or take each way.  I had already missed a "week" of work and I get NO paid time off because I am only part time.  I couldn't fathom spending another 30 hours on the road - especially alone and crying part of the way.  And by the time I knew what the plan was?  Well, I would have had to drive all night to make it in time.  After working all day.

Plane tickets ranged from $620.00 (from the local airport where there was a layover involved) to $1078.00 (from the larger airport that is a 2.5 hour drive away and non-stop flights).  These were prices that were from a search engine and not bereavement fares - I know that could have knocked the ticket price down a little bit.  But a call to Del.ta on Tuesday in some pre-planning had let me know that bereavement fares weren't available on all flights.

And then for some reason I checked the weather report.  There was a winter storm that was supposed to be rolling in that would be bringing freezing rain/snow to my area and thunderstorms/tornadoes to Georgia.  And the layover airports for the cheaper and more convenient tickets were in cities that were also in the immediate path of this storm (Chicago and Detroit).  In fact, Chicago had already cancelled over 200 flights for Wednesday.

And then I would still have had to figure out the airport to funeral home portion of the trip which was probably going to consist of renting a car just in case my flight was delayed...

After quite a bit of deliberation, I decided that I would not try to make it.  I couldn't fathom spending that much money on a plane ticket to get stranded in an airport in another city AND STILL miss the funeral.

I felt peace with this decision.  I still feel like it was the right choice.

But remembering my Grandma all by myself while sitting at my desk and attempting to work has been harder than I thought it would be.

I wore the earrings and necklace that she had given me not too long ago.  I pulled up her obituary online and have kept it up on my second screen for the majority of the day.  And during the time the service was scheduled for, I took some time to sit quietly and remember her.  And I have cried A LOT today.  Crying about it by yourself is so much harder to do than when you have a loved one close by.

My mom called me on her cell phone and left the line open so that I could listen in on the grave side service.  My brother gave a lovely memorial speech and included memories from all of our family members and some of Grandma's close friends.  The preacher said some lovely words and scripture.  It Is Well With My Soul was sung by a lovely man from the church I grew up in.  And everyone joined together to say the Lord's Prayer and to sing a verse of Amazing Grace.  I also had several family members contact me throughout the day to tell me that they loved me and they knew I wished I was there.

It was so nice to be able to participate in some way even though I couldnt' be there.

Goodbye to My Grandma

My Grandma died at about 12:30 this morning.  I am so very, very sad.

My Grandma hadn't been doing so well in the last several months.  Hospice had been called in about 2 weeks ago but we were originally told that it was for palliative care and her death was not imminent.  Within a matter of a couple of days, Hospice changed their minds and said that it could be anywhere from 1 to 2 weeks before she passed away.
 
Thankfully, we were already planning a trip down to Georgia.  We shuffled our schedules and left 2 days ahead of our original plan and drove south.  I had the opportunity to visit with her for 3 days in a row.  I was able to tell her that she was the best Grandma a girl could have hoped for and how much I loved her.  I was able to tell her that being able to see her made my whole trip worthwhile.  I was able to let her see Carder one more time.  I was able to say goodbye.

Grandma made the best roast, the fluffiest mashed potatoes, a perfect fried egg, delicious fried okra, and a pretty mean pumpkin pie.  You could never visit her house before 2 pm and not get fed breakfast.  She was kind of a messy cook, though and I won't ever forget the time she fried the cord to her mixer while trying to make okra and mashed potatoes at the same time one Thanksgiving.

I can remember Christmases where somehow she always knew the perfect thing to buy for me (like a Caboodle or a Pink Ice Ring or a warm scarf and socks right before we moved to Michigan).  She always said my name with laughter in her voice and a smile in her eyes.  She loved flowers, her dogs, beanie babies, and collector dolls.  She had the most radiant skin and didn't look even close to her age.  When my Papaw passed away, she made sure that everyone got a little something special to remember him by.  She wore pants that picked up "everything but money and a man".  She was a very special woman and I will never forget her.

I hope that I let my son know how wonderful his Great Grandma Gin-Gin was and that he grows up thinking as kindly of her as I do, even though he only knew her a short time.  I will always remember that when Carder saw her in her last days, he joyfully said "Hi Gin Gin" and blew her kisses.  She was so happy when she heard his voice in the hallway and she ever so slowly raised her hand to blow him kisses back.  He didn't cry even though she looked nothing like the woman he knew.  

Grandma - you may be gone but you will never be forgotten.  I love you.