Some Day, Some Way

A long, long time ago*, after almost 3 years of trying, Derek and I finally got pregnant.  After such a long time trying, I was sure that our dreams were finally coming true.  And then I lost the baby.  I was having a hard time dealing with the loss of this child and I began to search for solice online.

I found a website called Babycenter and I joined.  At first, I only participated in groups about loss and miscarraige.  I tried but couldn't stand the groups that were for people who were actively trying - there were so many people there who got pregnant their first try and it was so hard to stay positive when you felt as if you were the only one who was struggling to conceive a child.

And then I found a group of women who had been trying to conceive for one year or more.  It was if I had found an online home.  I made friends with these women quickly and I found a support system unlike one I had ever known.  I bonded with these women and formed some extremely strong relationships.  We mourned failed cycles and losses together.  And we celebrated successes together.  I love these women.  Although it has been several years now and we no longer post in our BBC group, we still keep in touch.  We have had 2 get togethers where we travelled across the US to meet each other.  And I hope we have more of these in the future.

For a while now, I have wanted to post about this group of women.  One of them - Katie - coined a phrase that we quoted to each other frequently.  "Some day, some way."  There were times that this phrase was all that kept me believing that some day my dreams would come true.  I held on to this phrase with all of my might in failed cycle after failed cycle.  It became my mantra.

And now - for almost all of us - this mantra has come true.  Most of us are now mothers or are expecting our first child (and are far enough into the pregnancy that I feel as if I can post this without jinxing anyone).  For us, our Some Day, Some Way has finally come true.  I look over at Carder who is sleeping like an angel in his swing and I feel so lucky that my dreams have finally come true.  (And we lived happily ever after.**)

But there are still 2 of us for whom our dreams haven't manifested into reality.  For them, the strain of infertilty broke them and their marraiges.

For one of these ladies, she and her husband had decided to pursue adoption.  They were quickly picked by a birth mother who was expecting twins.  She allowed herself to imagine the future with these babies and felt peace and happiness.  And shortly after being matched, her marraige fell apart.  Not only did she have to say goodbye to her husband - a relationship that had been over a decade of her life - but she had to give up her current version of her dream of motherhood.  Over the last couple of years, she has dealt with so many feelings of loss.  And in the last few weeks, she has been dealing with the feelings over having to pass up the chance to be a mother to the twins.

For you, my dear friend, I want to remind you that your "Some Day, Some Way" will still happen.  It won't happen with the man you began your journey with.  And it won't be with the twins you loved the moment you learned of them.  But it WILL happen.  And you will be a wonderful mother.  Never forget that "Some Day, Some Way" will find you when it is meant to be. 

For you, my readers, this post is twofold.  Please remember my friend and send some loving thoughts out to her, even if all you do is think something kind because you don't know who she is.  In addition, if you are still trying for your miracle, don't give up hope that your "Some Day, Some Way" will happen.  Whether you conceive naturally, through IUI, or through IVF - or whether you adopt embryos or a baby - one day your hearts and your arms will be full.

*Yes, this story begins like so many Fairy Tales.
**I guess you could say it ends like a Fairy Tale, too!