Sing You Home

I love to read.  My latest read was "Sing You Home" by Jodi Picoult.  I have read several of Picoult's books and have found each of them to be page turners.

A couple of weeks ago, I saw a blurb in a magazine about "Sing You Home" while I was waiting on Derek to get his hair cut.  What I read in the book preview stated that the book was about embryo donation and the legal battle for a same sex couple to use those embryos.  As you can guess, this peaked my curiosity and I immediately went to the library to find this book.

This isn't Picoult's first mention of ART in one of her books.  Anyone who has read "My Sister's Keeper" is aware of this fact.

What I wasn't expecting were the events of the first chapter.  While I don't want to spoil anything for you, a quick Internet search would reveal most of what I am about to tell you.

After struggling with infertility for years, Zoe and Max are finally pregnant.  The first pages of the book talk about their struggles - and as a fellow infertility patient, you can feel how the character of Zoe could be you.  Her desire to be a mother, the injectibles, the pain of past miscarriages - all of it - are spelled out in those first few pages.  I was hooked.

And then, at 28 weeks, Zoe is having a baby shower.  And during that shower, Zoe's placenta detaches and loses the baby.  I was shocked.  Crushed.  (After all, I am flying to Georgia for a baby shower in a couple of weeks - when I will be 29 weeks - for a baby shower.  Enter PANIC*)

All of that aside, I was still hooked and couldn't put the book down.  Zoe never gives up the hope of becoming a mother, even after Max divorces her because he no longer wants to be a father.  If you can stomach the first chapter (which I have already given you the most shocking parts of) and you aren't offended by same sex relationships, I would definitely recommend this book.  It was heart wrenching and real.

And although it wasn't exactly what I thought it would be, I loved the fact that Picoult wrote about struggling with infertility as if it had actually happened to her.  I hope that as this book's circulation increases, the non-infertile population will be able to see past the homosexual's trying for a baby portion of this book.  Instead, I hope they will focus on the portion of the book that allows others to see inside the life of an infertile - the intense desire to become a mother and the pain/struggles that we often have to endure to get there.

I couldn't think of a better time than now, with National Infertility Awareness Week approaching, to give a shout out to Picoult and "Sing You Home".  I hope that each of you finds time to read it and I hope that it touches you in the same way it touched me.

*Side note - for a few days after reading this book, I did have panic attacks when our little boy seemed to be moving less frequently.  Luckily, there were only a couple of days that he seemed to be less active and that I worried obsessively about this.

Thanks, Welcome, More Thanks

My first "THANKS" is to Katie over at From IF to When for linking over to my Eat, Pray, Love Post.  Katie is an excellent blogger and has a ton of followers.  By her linking to my blog post, the passage in the book that touched me so much was also able to touch so many others.  So, Katie, thanks for sharing this with your group.  Love you girl!

In addition to allowing my words (and more specifically Elizabeth Gilbert's words) to reach many others, Katie's link to my post apparently spawned an increase in followers.  Holy Moly!  To those of you who are new to my blog, welcome and thanks for joining me.

My second "THANKS" is to Lacie for posting about these meditation podcasts.  I have never looked at the iTunes section that encompasses podcasts until she mentioned these.  Her post inspired me to look into podcasts today when I got home.  Not only did I find the meditations podcasts she was talking about, I also found ones on Yoga and Infertility and ... well, you get the picture.  Possibly stemming from the "Pray" portion of Eat, Pray, Love, meditation and yoga have recently become something I am interested in learning more about and practicing more.  Until now, my only exposure has been through a class at the YMCA and I just can't get into it there.  After downloading the podcast, I listened to the first one.  I truly felt so much more relaxed than I did before I listened to it.  I am thinking THIS may be something I will be using as we prepare for our EA transfer.  So, Lacey, Thanks for turning me on to this podcast!

Eat, Pray, Love

I am one of those people who really likes to read the book before I watch the movie.  And, if you have been reading my blog, you know that Derek and I are all about making a big change in our lives lately.  So, it should come as no surprise to you all that this book/movie are of great interest to me.

So, a couple of weeks ago, I picked up the book Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.  I must say that I am thoroughly enjoying it.  I just finished the "Eat" section and have recently started the "Pray" section.

For those of you who know nothing about this book, Elizabeth Gilbert goes through a divorce and then decides to spend a year visiting Italy, India, and Indonesia and she writes a book about her experience in each of these 3 countries and how the time she spent in each of these countries shaped her in some way.

I don't want to spoil anything for anyone, but a passage of this book really spoke to me.  I dog eared the page and I have returned to it several times to read it again.  I think it will speak to all of you as well, and I wanted to share it.

Elizabeth and her ex-husband never had children.  As she reflects on the differences between her sister and herself and the massive changes in her life caused by her divorce, she reflects on her place in the family.

To create a family with a spouse is one of the most fundamental ways a person can find continuity and meaning in American (or any) society.  I rediscover this truth every time I go to a big reunion of my mother's family in Minnesota and I see how everyone is held so reassuringly in their positions over the years.  First you are a child, then you are a teenager, then you are a young married person, then you are a parent, then you are retired, then you are a grandparent - at every stage you know who you are, you know what your duty is and you know where to sit at the reunion.  You sit with the other children, or teenagers, or young parents, or retirees.  Until at last you are sitting with the ninety-year-olds in the shade watching over your progeny with satisfaction.  Who are you?  No problem - you are the person who created all this.  The satisfaction of this knowledge is immediate, and moreover, it's universally recognized.  How many people have I heard claim their children as the greatest accomplishment and comfort of their lives?  It's the thing they can always lean on during a metaphysical crisis, or a moment of doubt about their relevancy - If I have done nothing else in this life, the at least I have raised my children well.

But, what if, either by choice or by reluctant necessity, you end up not participating in this comforting cycle of family and continuity?  What if you step out?  Where do you sit at the reunion?  How do you mark time's passage without the fear that you've just frittered away your time on earth without being relevant?  You'll need to find another purpose, another measure by which to judge whether or not you have been a successful human being.  I love children, but what if I don't have any?  What kind of person does that make me?

I know that she isn't necessarily speaking of infertility, but she might as well have been - which is obviously why this spoke to me.  This describes to me the panic each of us faces every day that we worry about what happens if we don't ever make it to parenthood.  You can substitute family reunion with class reunion or birthday party or any other event where people gather, and it would still ring true.

We all wonder what our lives will be if we never make it to parenthood.  I hope we never have to find out.