Complications and a Downward Spiral

So, today I went to the RE for a Saline Sonogram*.  While I was there, the financial coordinator handed me my Embryo Adoption Financial Agreement.  The price of the procedure didn't really shock me much.  Nor did the timeline for payment being due.

A couple of the items that were in addition to their base fee were a little surprising (for instance, the baseline ultrasound.  How the hell is THAT not covered?)

But the biggest shocker was a statement regarding the 1/5 refund of the price we get if there is nothing to transfer.  I raised my eyebrows and questioned the financial coordinator.  She stated that even if they don't transfer anything, they have already performed several services included in the price.  Since my donor coordinator hadn't even MENTIONED a possible non-transfer transfer, I hadn't even considered this disastrous outcome.

After having time to process this information, I began to question some things regarding the whole process and began making some calls.

The financial coordinator hasn't been a big help at all.  She can't really answer any questions about the process itself.  That and she said that this doesn't happen very frequently.  (Ummm, I haven't been known to have the best luck reproductively, forgive me for being overly cautious).

The donor coordinator has been even less helpful, unless you consider a panic attack to be just what I needed.  Now that I have this pearl of wisdom about the "refund", I want more details about how the process works.  For instance - how many embryos are there in this set we are pulling from (she can't tell me) or how many transfers have already been performed from this set (once again, her lips are sealed), or how many will they thaw to get our embryos (no definitive answer received yet).  The more questions I ask, the less she can answer.  I really just want to know that they will do everything in their power to ensure that I don't walk home, once again, with an empty uterus and an empty savings account to boot.

And as far as "mum" being the word - if we do proceed and this does result in a healthy baby, then won't they tell us how many babies have resulted from these embryos so that we have (and perhaps the sexes) so that we can warn any future child about marrying their biological siblings?

But back to the transfer of "None" and the hysterics at hand - I mean, call me crazy, but I want to know that if there are 15 embryos in the set, they will attempt to thaw all 15 to get my 2 since I am paying for it.  And if all they get is 1, then they tried.  I want reassurance that they don't look at the 15 and see that they could "sell" these embryos to 5 couples and limit each one to 3 embryos and end up with 25K rather than the 5K they would have if they used them all for us.  But since they won't tell me how many there are in the damned set, how the hell do I know that they aren't taking advantage of us and saying they thawed 3 and that was all they had?  And either she just is beating around the bush in answering me or I am just not asking the right damned questions because I still don't have my answers???

So after all that frustration, I talked to Derek about this new information.  He is having a stressful day for an entirely different situation.  So one question leads to another and I end up standing on the bridge** outside my office crying and wondering why it has to be so damned difficult for us to have a family.  Once again sending questions to God about why we can't just get pregnant the good old fashioned way.

Derek did make some calls to the insurance company to see if the process will be covered.  He is also checking into some adoption benefits at work to see if Embryo Adoption qualifies for the assistance.

Hopefully tomorrow will bring some more definitive answers all around.

*I was a virgin at this until today.  Everything looked fine.  But standing up afterwards?  This must be what it feels like when your water breaks.

**Don't worry, it isn't one of THOSE bridges and I wasn't about to jump.  It is a footbridge over a creek.  The bridge leads from our main parking lot to the overflow lot.  And since I share my office with someone else and there are 4 women in the room beside me, crying at my desk is not an option.