More Waiting

Waiting on the Buyers -
The information has been communicated and now we wait for them to determine if they are still willing to move forward with buying our house.  We are supposed to have the information back from them by Monday.  I know this is what negotiations are all about, but I am so ready for something to be decided upon, one way or the other.  I feel as if this "drama" surrounding this offer/contract has been going on forever.  It has, in fact, not been that long.  But it just seems it.

Waiting on a Transfer-
The U/S today went great.  The doctor's description of my lining was "Perfect" and the nurse said that the thickness was better than last time.  So now, we continue to wait on Thursday for our transfer.  I am so excited!  I hope that since we will be transferring 2 healthy blastocycts, we will have a better outcome with this cycle than we had with our previous cycles.

Waiting on Hubby -
Derek is still at work.  I am waiting on him to leave work to start dinner.  Until then, I think I will just hang out and blog with you good people.

A Slight Change in Plans

Yesterday, while I was at work, I got an interesting call from my nurse at my RE's office with some not so great news.  Apparently when she scheduled my transfer, she wasn't looking at the calendar correctly (or the RE just wanted to add a couple of vacation days to her scheduled conference - but the outcome is the same regardless).  Our transfer won't be on Wednesday October 20 (with results on Friday October 29) as we had on our original schedule. 

The good news is that it isn't cancelled and it isn't pushed back by much.  It is now scheduled for Thursday October 28 (with BETA on Monday November 8).

The bad news is that due to the way the meds were started in anticipation of the October 20 transfer, I will now have a few extra days of Lupron only.  And just in case you don't recall, THIS is when I get migraine headaches.  I can't tell you just how super excited I am about adding a few extra of those fun filled days to my cycle.

Yesterday I was a bit bummed about this.  It still isn't the ideal situation, but it is what it is.  And I have to focus on the positives of this process.

What else?  Hmmm...

In case anyone missed it, Alie had a great suggestion for where to donate your unused syringes in the comments of my last post (your local veterinarian's office).  Thanks Alie!

Oh, yeah!  Weight loss...On my first weigh in, I lost 1.4 lbs.  And that was after the horrible dinner in Atlanta that broke all the rules.  I have really behaved this week and haven't dipped into the flex points for the week yet.  So I am hoping that next week's results will be better.

I don't know if it is the antibiotic that I am taking or the diet or the fact that I started taking prenatal vitamins again, but things having been moving (you know, down there) too well lately and I am farting so much that a spark might blow our house up feeling a bit gassy.

In addition, I feel like the Lupron fog has settled in around me.  Yesterday I was trying to describe an item that I should be able to easily name.  The best I could do was "You know, the thing in the bathroom that the sink sits on top of!!!".  I was meaning the cabinet.  I wonder if this stuff has a cumulative effect and that the more often you take it, the stupider you feel.  I seriously feel like I can feel the brain cells evaporating out of my head.

I hear that pregnancy does the same thing.  So, I guess I won't complain too much about the loss of brain cells.  I will take being dumber any day.

Weekend In Review

After an extremely busy week, we were really looking forward to the weekend.  Friday at 5 couldn't come soon enough.

My meds arrived on Friday.  I begin my Lupron Injections on Monday and my last BCP will be the 24th.  Everything is all organized and ready to go.

Friday night we drove into Atlanta to have dinner with some of Derek's coworkers.  We went to a place we had never been before and will probably never return there.  The food wasn't terrible and the atmosphere was OK, but they spilled steak juice all down Derek's back and didn't even offer to give him a free beer.  And the place was SLOW.  Our reservation was at 9, they didn't seat us till 9:30 and we didn't get out of there until after midnight.  Granted, it was a large party, but still...When you have more than an hour's drive home and you have had a long week, it made it all the more frustrating.

Adding to that, there wasn't really a single healthy item on the menu.  The only chicken entree was fried.  And, I didn't post about it in advance (just in case I lost my motivation and didn't actually move forward with it), but I started going back to the gym this week and also started a diet.  I had only gained 3 lbs since our FET last October, but I decided I wanted to lose that 3 lbs and however many more that I could before we actually had the transfer.  BUT, not having any healthy choices AND eating dinner at almost midnight is not conducive to loosing weight.  Tomorrow is my weigh in day, so hopefully it wasn't too detrimental.  (Wish me luck!!!)

After our late night, we had to get up early and head BACK to Atlanta for our required 1 1/2 hour counselling appointment on Saturday.  We were supposed to meet the Dr. at 10:30.  Derek has the Tom Tom App on his iPhone and it doesn't do too well in Atlanta.  We had planned to stop for coffee and breakfast, but Tom's terrible directions a few miles into downtown Atlanta onto our journey didn't allow it.  So, we got to her office about 15 minutes early.  We had were at the address that she had given me over the phone, but her name wasn't on the sign outside the building.  We were worried that we were not in the right place - even though she said she wouldn't be there before 10:30 and the building would be empty and locked until she got there.  As I tried to call the Dr, Derek went over to door to see if he could see in.  He did what ANYONE would do and pulled on the door handle.  It wasn't locked and the door pulled open.

UNFORTUNATELY the alarm was set, AND IT WENT OFF.  We stood outside the building, siren blaring, leaning against the car and waited for the police.  We laughed and discussed that if her first impression of us was that of us in handcuffs, it probably wouldn't bode well for the resulting psychological evaluation.  Luckily, she arrived before the police did and we escaped the humiliation of the handcuffs.

The good Dr. was pretty nice and easy to talk to. And she didn't really ask us any really tough questions. In the first couple of minutes, she was aware that we had already been planning to adopt when the EA became an option so the question of whether or not we would go postal and take out our RE's office wasn't going to be an issue.  Or at least that was my take on the evaluation.  Her report may say otherwise.


After the Dr's appointment, we headed for some lunch, go the oil changed in my car and went home.  I had a terrible headache - I guess both from the small amount of sleep and also from the lack of breakfast.  I napped on the couch, watched some college football, and then went to bed.
 
Today I cleaned the house and did some laundry.  We went to the park and took a nice long walk.  We also got the pool table set up today and Derek and I played some rousing rounds of pool.  I am so AWESOME at pool that the only games I won were the ones that Derek scratched as he sank the 8 ball.
 
And another exciting week begins tomorrow...

Things with EA Aren't Always as Bad as They Seem

Things today were much better than yesterday.  Thank you all for your kind thoughts and comments.

Having some time to discuss the situation with Derek face to face was just what we both needed.  It gave us time to process the possibility of going through the process and ending up with nothing to transfer.  Up until that point, we had never really considered that outcome, even if the possibility is slight.  In addition, our conversation last night helped us to identify the way to phrase our questions to get the information we were really looking for.

I have never been the kind of person that thinks fast on their feet during an emotionally charged conflict.  When the punches start rolling, my emotions override my ability to think fast enough and I always walk away thinking "What I should have said was..."  This fact about myself didn't help the conversation yesterday, either. 

Today, I put in another call to the donor coordinator.  Although I don't know the number of embryos in the set we are using, I do have some more definitive information.  I was also able to phrase some questions in a format that allowed me to find out additional information without actually finding out specifics.

Hypothetically, if we start with 15 embryos in this set, they will start by thawing 2 or 3 to get our 2 to transfer.  Should the first few not result in 2 viable embryos, they will continue to thaw until they reach the 2 embryos for our transfer, even if they exhaust ALL 15.  The only situation that would result in having only 1 to transfer would be if all 15 were thawed and only 1 survived.

Should the situation actually result in no embryos to transfer, we would still remain at the top of the EA list and would be offered the next set of available embryos.

In addition, I did find out that they will accept a donation as small as 1 embryo, but they will inform the recipients of the small number as this may effect their decision.  (Between the lines, there are more than 1 or 2)

The embryos in the set we are using have been used by previous couples, although I don't know the exact thaw rate or the outcome of these attempts.  They are also fairly positive that after our transfer, there will be enough embryos left to pass on to several other couples.  (Between the lines, there are quite a few in the set)

The embryos are from an egg donor cycle where the eggs were strong and healthy.  These cycles result in strong, healthy embryos and the donor coordinator feels the risk of walking away without at least transferring something are very small.

The only question I didn't get answered deals with the financial side of things should there be nothing to transfer, we are still at the top of the list, and the next set becomes available.  The donor coordinator doesn't deal with those details so I will have to call the financial coordinator back to ask that question.

We did find out for certain that there is no coverage for an EA cycle through our insurance.  The remainder of our IF coverage will go to cover the medications and the other items not included in our cycle fee.

I am still hopeful that Derek's company's adoption assistance plan will recognize embryo adoption as a type of adoption.  We will just have to see how that pans out.

Complications and a Downward Spiral

So, today I went to the RE for a Saline Sonogram*.  While I was there, the financial coordinator handed me my Embryo Adoption Financial Agreement.  The price of the procedure didn't really shock me much.  Nor did the timeline for payment being due.

A couple of the items that were in addition to their base fee were a little surprising (for instance, the baseline ultrasound.  How the hell is THAT not covered?)

But the biggest shocker was a statement regarding the 1/5 refund of the price we get if there is nothing to transfer.  I raised my eyebrows and questioned the financial coordinator.  She stated that even if they don't transfer anything, they have already performed several services included in the price.  Since my donor coordinator hadn't even MENTIONED a possible non-transfer transfer, I hadn't even considered this disastrous outcome.

After having time to process this information, I began to question some things regarding the whole process and began making some calls.

The financial coordinator hasn't been a big help at all.  She can't really answer any questions about the process itself.  That and she said that this doesn't happen very frequently.  (Ummm, I haven't been known to have the best luck reproductively, forgive me for being overly cautious).

The donor coordinator has been even less helpful, unless you consider a panic attack to be just what I needed.  Now that I have this pearl of wisdom about the "refund", I want more details about how the process works.  For instance - how many embryos are there in this set we are pulling from (she can't tell me) or how many transfers have already been performed from this set (once again, her lips are sealed), or how many will they thaw to get our embryos (no definitive answer received yet).  The more questions I ask, the less she can answer.  I really just want to know that they will do everything in their power to ensure that I don't walk home, once again, with an empty uterus and an empty savings account to boot.

And as far as "mum" being the word - if we do proceed and this does result in a healthy baby, then won't they tell us how many babies have resulted from these embryos so that we have (and perhaps the sexes) so that we can warn any future child about marrying their biological siblings?

But back to the transfer of "None" and the hysterics at hand - I mean, call me crazy, but I want to know that if there are 15 embryos in the set, they will attempt to thaw all 15 to get my 2 since I am paying for it.  And if all they get is 1, then they tried.  I want reassurance that they don't look at the 15 and see that they could "sell" these embryos to 5 couples and limit each one to 3 embryos and end up with 25K rather than the 5K they would have if they used them all for us.  But since they won't tell me how many there are in the damned set, how the hell do I know that they aren't taking advantage of us and saying they thawed 3 and that was all they had?  And either she just is beating around the bush in answering me or I am just not asking the right damned questions because I still don't have my answers???

So after all that frustration, I talked to Derek about this new information.  He is having a stressful day for an entirely different situation.  So one question leads to another and I end up standing on the bridge** outside my office crying and wondering why it has to be so damned difficult for us to have a family.  Once again sending questions to God about why we can't just get pregnant the good old fashioned way.

Derek did make some calls to the insurance company to see if the process will be covered.  He is also checking into some adoption benefits at work to see if Embryo Adoption qualifies for the assistance.

Hopefully tomorrow will bring some more definitive answers all around.

*I was a virgin at this until today.  Everything looked fine.  But standing up afterwards?  This must be what it feels like when your water breaks.

**Don't worry, it isn't one of THOSE bridges and I wasn't about to jump.  It is a footbridge over a creek.  The bridge leads from our main parking lot to the overflow lot.  And since I share my office with someone else and there are 4 women in the room beside me, crying at my desk is not an option.