When we started this whole process of TTC, I never dreamed that going to the grocery store could be such a gut wrenching experience. Now, each time I go to load up on our weekly eats, I find myself leaving with an aching heart.
The Grocery Store Blues started in March of 2008. After almost 3 years of peeing on countless sticks, March was when I first saw that miraculous and ever so elusive digital "Pregnant" staring back at me. March was also when that pregnancy ended. The week after the miscarriage, I went to the grocery store and immediately spotted a very PG lady. I altered the normal shopping pattern of up one aisle and down the other to a completely random visit to each aisle. Every where I turned, this woman seemed to be following me. I left the grocery store in tears.
Now, many months later, it is no longer just the pregnant women. It is the families. The mothers with their daughters. The fathers with their sons. The temper tantrums in the bakery over the desire to have a cookie. All of it warrants the pangs of disappointment and longing for my own LO.
Today, I ran into the grocery store to pick up some Strawberries and Pineapple (which are rumored to help IVF cycles work). It didn't take long for the pain to start - a little girl wearing a tank top, shorts, and cowgirl boots was begging to carry her birthday cake through the store and the parents were explaining why she couldn't carry it. I smiled at the sight and wistfully wondered if some day it would be me.
A few aisles later, as I was determining if we needed more cereal, I saw a familiar face - a girl I grew up with and hadn't seen in while. Seeing as how I now live in a different place than where I grew up, this is not a common occurrence for me. I walked up to her (concentrating on her face since I was trying to make sure it was her) and exchanged Hellos and "How have you been?". Anyone want to wager a guess on what comes next?
Yup, she is pregnant. About 31 weeks. And having a boy.
Now, I will have to say that as far as pregnant women go, it wasn't too terribly bad. She wasn't too smug about it. When she asked if we had any children, I laid it all out there that we had been struggling to have one ourselves for 4 years. She did not give me any "Aunt Jane" advice. The closest thing that she did to telling me whatever success story that she knew was to basically say not to give up hope because she knew several people who had tried for years and had finally been successful. Kudos to this old friend for how she handled the situation.
Even though I did have a moment where I thought "You have got to be F-ing kidding me? Can't a girl get a break?", I can honestly say I am happy for her and I wish her and her husband all of the best on their first child. Congratulations, Tara!
3 comments:
I so understand the grocery store- which is why I often just send Jake by himself. You just can't avoid it anywhere, can you? Well, the only place I've been successful is at the adults only resort in Jamaica. Maybe THAT should be our trip destination next year instead of Orlando. :)
Grocery stores seem to be the worst place to go especially during the day. I remember going through supe target to get groceries one day and literally every woman i saw was either pregnant, or had kids or both. It was such a terrible feeling to feel like the one left out. It's also hard to see them give knowing looks to each other and feel like you can't be a part of their "club". ((((BIG HUGS)))). It isn't easy and it just plain sucks.
I feel you on the twinges of pain seeing families. That can be really difficult. For me it can be carseat carriers. I am happy to hear that you have felt genuinely happy for your PG friend, as that can be a relief in itself to actually feel happy for someone who is PG outside of the TTC world.
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