This last year, posting things almost month after they happen has been the new norm.
It isn't that I don't have a blog post written in my head, because I totally do that right after the event happens. It just never makes it onto my blog in a timely fashion. Or at all.
There have been so many times I have considered closing up shop here. Now that we aren't TTC anymore, my blog has become more of a place where I cronicle the life of my child. I still get supportive comments from dear online friends who read it, but I no longer use this space for a sounding board for all of my emotions. My blog is no longer one centered around IF and doesn't have the following it once did.*
Since we bought an iPad, I do most of my blog reading there. And although it is easier to comment there than it is on an iPhone, I still find it cumbersome and rarely comment. If I am too lazy to comment there, posting on the iPad is totally out of the question . And even if I have the thought of pulling out the computer or typing up a blog post during my lunch while at work, I typically put that off because I am planning on including a picture that I haven't downloaded from the camera yet and I haven't figured out how to include a picture from the iPad yet.
And let's face it. Another reason I don't post very often is that my priorities have totally changed. When Carder is awake, I try to spend my time BEING with him. I may try to fold a load of laundry here and there and cook meals, but I don't even turn the TV on unless it is to let him watch a signing DVD. And once he is asleep, I run around trying to take care of our household. If I am not doing that, I try to get in some quality time with Derek or just chill out**.
But as far behind as I am, I am hesitant to stop blogging. I haven't worked on a baby book for Carder and I am afraid that if I stop typing things up here, I will totally forget his babyhood and his milestones.
There are times I compare my abilities to post with those of other moms I know and I feel ashamed to admint that I even HAVE a blog. Am I just that inept at being a mother that I can't do both? Or is my support system just that much different from everyone else's?***
Regardless, I keep posting things almost a month after they happen and backdating the posts. I hope that some day I will get caught up and start actually posting about something right after it happens. I guess that is just the new normal for me right now.
Maybe one day I will get caught up, have all the help I need, even have time to do some things to take care of myself or that I enjoy for a change?
What's that you were saying? You don't think so? Yeah, I have kind of been losing hope that will ever happen, too. Instead I guess you will just have to keep reading my posts a month after the event happens, with limited details, and with several posts from my brain omitted...
*Not to imply I was ever a rock star blogger or writer. I never even broke 100 followers on my greatest of blogging days.
**Which typically means passing out on the couch out of utter exhaustion.
***I don't want to complain about my husband because he DOES help. But there are times I compare what he does to what I hear that other fathers are doing and I feel like slapping his lazy ass into gear. I still do all feeding, putting to bed, and middle of the night awakenings BY MYSELF. I am tired/exhausted/frustrated/etc. However, please DO NOT type a comment**** telling me how terrible of a person he is for this - I have to accept the blame as well because I have not MADE him do his "fair share" of these things. I have tried to be supermom and do everything myself.
****Nor do I want to hear what an awesome job your husband does. If you want to commiserate about how hard the transition from couple to family has been on you and your marraige, feel free.
4 comments:
completely understand! I only have 24 followers and get a comment here and there but I do like to blog- when I can. I enjoy reading about your sweet boy:)
It's like you said, when you're a mom you have to prioritize. I think it's fantastic that you don't even turn on the TV when Carder is awake. And that you manage to get so much other stuff done.
I love blogging, and have changed my format to basically chronicle Leah's life, as well. Sometimes I get five posts in a month, sometimes it's two...
I once read that the biggest mistake a mother can make is feeling guilty about not doing enough. Because the odds are - you do PLENTY. And you will remember his childhood. You will find reminders of his childhood for the rest of your life. And you can tell him every time you do. My Grandma had four kids, and she is constantly telling stories about when they were babies. What you have here is a bonus, mama!
And as for the hubbies... Well, all I can say is that I am pretty much in the same position. But what I have also heard is that the daddy's get more involved when the babies can tell them what they need... Heaven help us, let's hope that's true!
I enjoy reading your monthly updates! I hope you keep blogging!!!
I think Melissa shared some good insights and perspective. Blogging is something that you do for yourself, not because you should or for other people. It is your space in however you wish to define it. I've noticed that some of our shared blogger friends have gone through a similar transition point--deciding how to redefine the blog space going forward, if at all. It is all telling your story, you are just writing another chapter. It is all you and your journey. It is letting go of the should's and just being again if you wish to invest into it. I feel like those who have continued writing their stories have turned a corner in their blogs and they have a different vibe about them than they once did while still honoring the past. Only you can decide if you want to keep telling your story. It may be a matter of letting go of expectations and re-establishing a new rhythm. Keep it simple, light and rewarding for you. It's natural to have ebbs and flows. You know that I will keep reading. :)
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