We're Back... Vacation Update and TTC update

**Sigh** Unfortunately, our vacation has ended. So, here is a recap of our time away from home.

• Friday - We got up EARLY on Friday morning and drove straight through to Michigan. The trip took us about 13 1/2 hours but the ride wasn't too bad - we listened to some great music on the way up.
• Saturday - The fun started. We walked the pier and went for a nice bike ride from Rothbury to a dairy, had an ice cream, and rode back. Perhaps you have heard of Rothbury - they had the second annual music festival there this year - but it didn't start for a few days later. You can read about the Rothbury Music Festival here: http://www.rothburyfestival.com/
• Sunday - We were scheduled to go fishing on Lake Michigan so we got up really early and headed for the docks. When we arrived, the captain told us that the waves on the lake were 5 footers and that we should probably postpone our trip. So, we rescheduled for Thursday afternoon. We drank coffee on the beach, had breakfast for a second time, and watched the high speed ferry roll out headed to Wisconson. We took a quick nap and then Derek's sister arrived to join in the fun.
• Monday/Tuesday - We headed out a 3 day trip "Up North". Derek's sister's husband says that trips with his family are like trips to nowhere - you just drive and drive and don't really end up anywhere in particular - which is true but is also a lot of fun. We stopped in several cute towns and I can't name them all, but it was a lot of fun. We went through this Tunnel of Trees which was really neat, saw a lot of beautiful houses, ate at some great restaurants, and went wine tasteing. We laughed A LOT. It was cold and rainy. I didn't pack very well and I wore the same jeans and sweatshirt for several days in a row.
• Wednesday - We headed back to his parent's house after a late breakfast. Derek and I went to a concert together that evening and saw Counting Crows (it was our first concert together). It was the coldest July 1 on record and the concert proved to be cold and rainy. Washed said sweatshirt.
• Thursday - We walked on the beach, gathered driftwood, walked through the dunes, and went on our postponed fishing trip. The fishing was good - we caught several Salmon and a Stealhead Lake Trout. Still wearing said sweatshirt but changed jeans.
• Friday - We hiked a little and then spent the afternoon at the beach. It was the only day that we had weather nice enough to make it to the beach in anything less than a sweatshirt. We didn't stay that long, but we both ended up with nice sunburns.
• Saturday - Left Michigan for Indiana. Derek's grandparents were unable to join us in Michigan, so we cut our days short in Michigan to swing by and see them. It was a nice visit.
• Sunday - Drove the rest of the way home to Georgia.

So, now that you have had a recap of all of the fun activities, here is the rest of the story. Being on vacation is wonderful. It gives you a chance to get away from the misery of your every day life. The one that consumes you. For the most part anyway. I found that my days weren't filled with sadness over our IF. I could breathe. The panic stayed at bay and the sadness was banished (OK, for the most part). I had my moments - when shopping in a little store and seeing the cutest little baby shoes, I was hit with the thought that the child I lost could be wearing those shoes today. At the beach, watching a father and his son brought tears to my eyes, but the sound of the crashing waves helped to soothe the pain...
To top all of this off, AF was due to arrive towards the end of our vacation. On Wednesday, I had some slight redness when I wiped, but nothing later. I thought AF was about there. But, when by the end of the day no more redness had appeared, my mind started wondering if this was implantation bleeding. I pushed the thought away.
On Saturday morning, some more bleeding and I was sure AF was there. But, the flow has been almost non-existant. I have none of my normal AF symptoms. I repeat. NONE. No cramps, no sore BBs...And again my wheels start turning and the success stories of my IF friends started to plague mind.
I think of my friend Kerri who had spotting and thought it was AF but she was PG and just found out she is having a boy. Of Ellie who said that her first PG syptoms were NO symptoms. Of Alie who got PG the month after meds to her surprise.
Thank goodness my Mother in Law gave me the first book in the Twilight series. I know it probably wasn't fair to Derek, but I started reading it during the long drive home. I didn't want to burden him with the thoughts that were spinning around in my head - and losing myslef in a fictional world of vampires helped to keep me sane. Unfortunately, I finished the book in Tennessee, long before we reached home. Every time I wasn't reading or keeping busy, I found myself wondering if this lack of symptoms & spotting meant something, IF THIS WAS THE MONTH.
The closer we got to home, the more that I could feel the weight of all of our stress from home settling in around my shoulders. The panic creeping back in. The utter desperation that had seemed to evade me while on vacation.

Ugh. And it isn't even Monday yet.

I am all out of HPTs - I used the last one for our last failed IVF cycle. And I honestly don't feel like having another digital NOT PREGNANT staring back at me. I am fairly certain that this lack of symptoms just means that AF is coming and is just playing games with me. I will not be testing unless AF evades me for a few more days. Don't hold your breath.