Sleep Training is NOT for Sissies

As I have mentioned SEVERAL times in the past on my blog, long stretches sleep at our house is often like a warm sunny spring day – it doesn’t happen often and when it does, you had damned well better enjoy it.

A few weeks ago, I was exhausted and desperate for more sleep.  Therefore, I naturally began looking into sleep training options.  After a quick synopsis of the two basic methods of Cry It Out (CIO) or No Cry (NC), I quickly determined that I was of the kinder, gentler sleep training mindset.  The reasons for this are plentiful:

·         Although I have many friends who sing the praises of CIO, I can’t fathom sitting in the next room while I listen to my baby cry and wail and plea for me.  I am just cut out that way.  I can’t stand to hear my baby cry when I know I could comfort him.  So a week of doing that night after night?  I think I would rather be tortured (bamboo shoots under my fingernails?  Bring it on.  Make me listen to my baby cry for me and not let me comfort him?  What deep, dark secret do you want to know???)  This wouldn’t work for me unless I am drugged with some good earplugs in and Daddy is handling it.

·         Daddy can’t handle the baby crying either.  And has less willpower than me. 

·         Many people who have tried CIO report that repeat training sessions are often necessary after bouts of illness or teething.  Um, have you READ my blog???  If I can’t imagine stomaching a week of listening to a week of crying, just imagine how nuts I would be to have to rinse, lather, and repeat after the next cold/ear infection/teething session.

So, there you have it.

I have scoured the Internet for tips on improving infant sleep.  And, as I mentioned in my last post, I picked up a copy of the No Cry Sleep Solution (NCSS) because it sounded like perhaps it would do the trick for us.  I have been reading it every time I get the chance and have enough brain power to retain more than a sentence.  And even though I haven’t read the book cover to cover yet, I have tried to implement a few of the ideas.  It hasn’t been the easiest thing I have ever done…

What I have learned so far?

Sleep training is tough stuff.  It takes willpower - and lots of it - to attempt to break an old habit and break in a new one.  Especially when you are running on little sleep.  Because it is a TON easier to do what is easier and takes less energy at 3:30 in the morning when you have been up with the baby for the last hour and a half and you have to work the next day.   And sometimes you just have to put him in your bed for the last hour and a half so that you can get a little rest and vow to do better the next day.

It is my fault my baby can’t sleep.  That’s right.  You read that correctly.  My fault.  Because his eating was so important (as a preemie), if he fell asleep taking the bottle but kept drinking, I didn’t wake him up.  I let him pass out while feeding, finish the bottle, and then I would hold him (and cuddle and stare at him in awe) until I laid him in his bed sound asleep.  And even if he didn’t fall asleep during the bottle, I would hold him after he finished and we would cuddle until he drifted off to sleep.  After all, I waited 6 EXCRUCIATINGLY LONG YEARS to have a baby.  What harm could it do to snuggle???  But according to the experts, I created this sleep association for him and now I have to break that association.  (But I love to rock him to sleep…so a catch 22 here…)  I should have started putting him down drowsy (but not asleep) to teach him how to fall asleep on his own.  Before he learned to sit and stand and call out “mama” to me from his crib.  Yeah, a baby who doesn’t know how to stand up would probably go for that trick a little better than my little guy.  If you lie him down drowsy, his eyelids pop wide open, he rolls over, sits up, stands up, and reaches for me.  And if I don’t grab him?  Cries and calls for Mama. And I turn to gooey mush.

Put him to bed earlier.  Sources recommend anywhere from 6 – 7:30 as an appropriate bedtime.  What about working moms, you might ask?  Well, these sources recommend that you go to bed earlier and wake up earlier to spend some quality morning time with your baby.  Well that advice can suck it.  I rush from work to day care to home.  This gets me there somewhere around 5:30 or 6.  I am lucky if Derek makes it in the door before 6 on most nights.  To accomplish a 6pm bedtime, I would have to give him a bath and put him to bed as soon as I walk in the door from work.  And I am NOT a morning person (just ask my husband) so getting up at 4am to start my day isn’t going to happen.  And where in there do they suggest that you cook/eat dinner and spend some time with your husband or getting chores done around the house???  However, I did take this advice to heart and we have pushed his bedtime back to somewhere between 7:15 and 7:45 depending on how his naps were during the day and his general attitude.  That does seem to be helping some.

Set a bedtime routine and stick to it.  Every night.  We had a “general” routine.  Bath, Lotion & massage, PJs, Bottle, Books, Rock to Sleep.  But we don’t do everything in the same order every night – sometimes it was books before the bath, sometimes after the PJs.  Sometimes after the bottle.  And we don’t bathe every night.  So, I have been working on setting a more stable routine.  The bottle refusal of late has really made that difficult though.  If he refuses the bottle and has only had 4 meals that day, we do one more solid meal before bedtime.  But, if he has done really well on his sippy and had 5 meals or 4 really big ones, we may go straight to bedtime.  Hopefully we can hammer a new routine out shortly and see if that makes a difference.

If a bath doesn’t soothe your baby, don’t do it right before bedtime.  In addition, if you don’t want to bathe you baby every night, don’t make it part of your bedtime routine.  That one was a biggie for me.  Carder LOVES his bath.  But he often comes out of his bath all riled up – even if he was rubbing his eyes and yawning right before the bath.  In the last week, we have made bath time one of our first activities when Derek walks in the door so that we have time for quiet playtime and calming down before bed.  So far, that does seem to be helping a bit.

“Sleeping Through The Night” is considered a 5-6 hour stretch.  Not 12 hours.  OK, so this point makes me wonder if we even NEED sleep training.  When he isn’t sick or teething or overtired, he goes to bed and will sleep for a 5-6 hour stretch.  I can HANDLE those nights, no problems.  I don’t mind getting up once in the middle of the night to soothe him. 

Actually, I am afraid to put this out onto the blogosphere because it will jinx us - but the last few nights he has slept pretty well.  I got at least 3-4 hour stretches of sleep (one mid night waking at most) and I woke up feeling drugged because I actually slept.  So this leaves me to question - maybe we don’t need sleep training after all???