I was going to post about this last week, but then Blogger went down and ate my posts...and today I see they are back. Anyway, I was hesitant to type another one with much substance. But things seem to be back to normal now, so I think I am safe enough.
A couple of weeks ago, I packed up and headed to Georgia for a couple of baby showers. This was my first time back in Georgia since we moved to Michigan in January and the first time I saw my family since the move as well. Combine all of that with the fact that I was finally attending my OWN baby showers. Needless to say, it was an emotional weekend.
Let's start off with the travel - I had a direct flight booked to head from Grand Rapids to Atlanta at 6:30 in the morning on Thursday April 28th. Since it takes 2 1/2 hours to get to the airport from my house, I stayed at my in-laws the night before. When I got up at 3 am to get ready for my trip, I found out that my direct flight had been cancelled and I had been booked on a later flight that had a layover in Detroit. When I realized that the cancellation was due to terrible tornadoes in the area, I worried about my family and friends. And I also worried that I would be stranded in Detroit. After several hours spent in the airport, I finally made it to Georgia with very swollen calves, ankles, and feet. Luckily, the trip home was uneventful. It did take me several days to recover from the travels, both physically and emotionally. Being back with my family and friends made me miss them so much more. It was really a tough couple of days when I returned.
A few thoughts on having a baby shower - it was almost surreal to be the pregnant woman opening up gifts and being showered with love. I had waited so long for it to be my turn and it was marvelous to have finally reached that point. For the most part, I am extremely happy with how the showers went. Even though I had fretted over it for the weeks prior to the showers, most people paid attention to the request to only bring items I could fit in my suitcase to the shower. Gift cards, small books and baby clothes were the most popular gifts we received.
My first shower was on Saturday and was for friends from work and from the area I lived in. I am sad to admit that I was late for my own shower - but we had almost a 2 hour drive to get there and I thought the shower started at 10:30 - it really started at 10. Anyway...The turnout wasn't as good as it could have been due to a few conflicting events, but I was still super happy to see the people who were there. My friend (and fellow pregnant IFer and blogger) Melissa drove up from Florida to see me and to come to my shower - and wrote the most touching sentiments in a copy of "I Love You Forever". Thanks Melissa!!!
My second shower was on Sunday and was for friends from my hometown and family. This one was organized by my Mom and she really outdid herself. The turnout for this shower was even better than I had expected. Since the previous weekend was Easter, I thought that most of my family who had come up for Easter wouldn't return the next weekend for the shower. But, surprisingly, a lot of them did. My best friend came to that shower and my college roommate as well.
Overall, we got a lot of great gifts and a good amount of money towards all of the things you need when you have a baby.
Since the showers, I have been working on writing all of my thank you notes and getting those in the mail. I still have quite a few to go and I have to make some more thank you notes before I can make much more progress. (Yes, I made my own thank you cards)
Right after returning home from the showers, I began feeling very stressed about the fact that there were 10 weeks left until my due date and we hadn't really started preparing for Carder's arrival. There has been quite a bit of shopping and quite a bit of progress in that area, but it deserves it's own post.
I have several pictures from the shower I wanted to share, but I haven't downloaded them to the computer yet and waiting for that to happen would delay this post even further...
And finally, because this is my blog - my place to speak what is on my mind and heart:
Having a baby shower after suffering through infertility and distancing yourself from your friends tells you who your true friends really are. I am 150% thankful for the friends that stuck by me throughout the process or who were there to step back in when I opened myself back up.
At the risk of sounding like an ungrateful biatch, I am going to say what I think didn't turn out so great about the showers. I spent 6 years suffering through other people's baby showers. Not only did I spend a good chunk of money, I suffered through hours and hours of heartache and I cried countless tears as I shopped for a gift for their baby at Babies-R-Us. And in some cases, I was even the person that hosted the baby showers that I had to suffer through. 6 years. 6 long heartbreaking years.
AND I have always been open about our struggles to conceive, so these friends that were invited to my showers KNEW that this was an absolutely joyous occasion for us. And they KNEW how long and hard this journey has been for us. And I know that some of these people had a good reason to miss my shower. But others didn't have a good reason not to be there. And the fact that these people didn't show up or at least send a gift really hurt my feelings. And here are the ones that hurt the most:
I have a "friend" who has 2 children that I showered with love and affection, I gave her baby gifts. I bought birthday and Christmas presents. She didn't show up to the shower because she had to "take the kids to ballgames" even though her mother in law lives next door and could have helped her out. Granted, I did distance myself those last few years - she didn't know how to talk to me anymore and always told me we must be doing something wrong in the TTC arena because she got pregnant when her husband just looked at her. She didn't come to my shower and she didn't even send a gift.
I have someone who worked for me who lapped me TWICE while we were trying to have a baby. You may remember when I posted about how she broke the news of her second pregnancy to me by saying the "Turkey Baster Worked" when she and her husband NEVER pursued infertility treatments. Regardless, I threw her a baby shower for her first baby. I spent $75.00 on a gift for her. And even though I did all of that, she didn't even have the decency to send a card to my shower with a gift card for $10.00. There is a part of me who wants to send her a letter to tell her just what I think of her.
There are several more that stung - but these are probably the two that hurt or have pissed me off the worst. I am just trying to focus on the fact that this journey has shown me who my true friends really are.
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Monday, May 23, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
I Feel Like...
A Failure...
We close on our new house this Thursday and we move in on Friday. We find out on Tuesday of next week if our baby is a boy or a girl. I have felt our baby move.
So why am I feeling like such a failure? Well, when we first arrived here, I spent tons of time taking care of the things that needed to be done when you move to a new city. And I have still been taking care of details for moving into our new house - from ordering blinds to arranging the delivery of our moving truck and movers to setting up the utilities. I have shopped for groceries and made some fabulous dinners. I have even baked a couple of cakes.
But, I have yet to make any "friends" and I haven't found a job.
As far as the job - I knew that finding a job while pregnant in an economy where thousands of people are struggling to find work was going to be difficult. But, I went into this process feeling very smart and capable. I was sure that I would be able to easily find some sort of employment, even if it was only part time. I know I haven't worked extremely hard to find a job yet. BUT I have submitted several resumes and made several phone calls. The only call I received for an interview thus far has been from a life insurance company who saw my resume posted online and wanted me to come in for a "group" interview at 6:30 at night. A small amount of Internet research let me know quickly that this interview was really an attempt to get me to be self employed selling life insurance. NO THANKS.
Perhaps I shouldn't get entirely discouraged yet. After all, I have spentprobably way too much time watching TLC's "A Baby Story" and HGTV's "Designed to Sell" in the last few weeks. I think I should try to keep my wits about me until I have spent a couple of days working really hard to find something and still come up empty handed.
On the friend front - well you have to get out there to meet people. It really helps if you see the same people more than one time. I don't think many friendships are formed with the nice lady you bump into on the pasta aisle of the grocery store or the one you say "Hello" to as you pass her walking into the Post Office. I think most friendships in new cities are formed when you meet people through work or through volunteer organizations and the likes. I already mentioned that I don't have a job...And in my defense, I did call a couple of places and offered my services as a volunteer. I have yet to receive a phone call about any volunteer opportunities.
So - as I am sure you can imagine, these feelings have been building for a while. Add this to the fact that I am really missing my friends and family from back home AND the pregnancy hormones and you have a recipe for one weepy person.
Derek has mentioned that he will arrange a dinner with some of the people that he has met that he thought I could be friends with so that I could have a chance to get to know them. This hasn't happened yet. But I haven't really pushed because our weekends have been pretty full.
And then, on Friday night, Derek and I went out on the town to an event. While we were there, he started talking about having a housewarming party. I am not a party hosting type of person. It stresses me out, even when I KNOW all of the people who are coming love me and don't expect every detail to be perfect. All I could think was that I wouldn't know a single person at this party other than my husband. And this doesn't sound like a whole lot of fun for me. I don't think I mingle well under stress. Of course, I didn't say this to him - I just nodded and said it sounded like a great idea.
Then he was telling me about a friend of one of his co-workers who is due a couple of weeks before me. He said he would get her number so that I could call her and maybe we could be friends.
With tears brimming in my eyes, I tried to explain to him how miserable I felt. What would I do with her phone number? Call her up and say "Hi, I am pathetic and I have no friends. I heard we have something in common. Want to be my first friend?" So then he said he could call her. Great. What is more pathetic? Me calling or my husband calling on my behalf?
What a loser. No wonder I don't have any friends.
Top that all off with feeling as if I don't really have any say in our household anymore because I no longer contribute to bringing in any income. And, Derek has made a couple of comments that have made me feel as if my lowered image of self worth is true in his eyes, too. He has made statements about the fact that he is supporting our family and I am not doing anything. It hurts, it really does. I don't think he has ever seen me as an equal because his salary was always much higher than mine. But now, when I am not bringing anything in at all? Well, I feel like I am not worthy of ... anything.
And all of these feelings have led to a day in my sweats feeling totally unmotivated to do anything, tears rolling down my cheeks.
We close on our new house this Thursday and we move in on Friday. We find out on Tuesday of next week if our baby is a boy or a girl. I have felt our baby move.
So why am I feeling like such a failure? Well, when we first arrived here, I spent tons of time taking care of the things that needed to be done when you move to a new city. And I have still been taking care of details for moving into our new house - from ordering blinds to arranging the delivery of our moving truck and movers to setting up the utilities. I have shopped for groceries and made some fabulous dinners. I have even baked a couple of cakes.
But, I have yet to make any "friends" and I haven't found a job.
As far as the job - I knew that finding a job while pregnant in an economy where thousands of people are struggling to find work was going to be difficult. But, I went into this process feeling very smart and capable. I was sure that I would be able to easily find some sort of employment, even if it was only part time. I know I haven't worked extremely hard to find a job yet. BUT I have submitted several resumes and made several phone calls. The only call I received for an interview thus far has been from a life insurance company who saw my resume posted online and wanted me to come in for a "group" interview at 6:30 at night. A small amount of Internet research let me know quickly that this interview was really an attempt to get me to be self employed selling life insurance. NO THANKS.
Perhaps I shouldn't get entirely discouraged yet. After all, I have spent
On the friend front - well you have to get out there to meet people. It really helps if you see the same people more than one time. I don't think many friendships are formed with the nice lady you bump into on the pasta aisle of the grocery store or the one you say "Hello" to as you pass her walking into the Post Office. I think most friendships in new cities are formed when you meet people through work or through volunteer organizations and the likes. I already mentioned that I don't have a job...And in my defense, I did call a couple of places and offered my services as a volunteer. I have yet to receive a phone call about any volunteer opportunities.
So - as I am sure you can imagine, these feelings have been building for a while. Add this to the fact that I am really missing my friends and family from back home AND the pregnancy hormones and you have a recipe for one weepy person.
Derek has mentioned that he will arrange a dinner with some of the people that he has met that he thought I could be friends with so that I could have a chance to get to know them. This hasn't happened yet. But I haven't really pushed because our weekends have been pretty full.
And then, on Friday night, Derek and I went out on the town to an event. While we were there, he started talking about having a housewarming party. I am not a party hosting type of person. It stresses me out, even when I KNOW all of the people who are coming love me and don't expect every detail to be perfect. All I could think was that I wouldn't know a single person at this party other than my husband. And this doesn't sound like a whole lot of fun for me. I don't think I mingle well under stress. Of course, I didn't say this to him - I just nodded and said it sounded like a great idea.
Then he was telling me about a friend of one of his co-workers who is due a couple of weeks before me. He said he would get her number so that I could call her and maybe we could be friends.
With tears brimming in my eyes, I tried to explain to him how miserable I felt. What would I do with her phone number? Call her up and say "Hi, I am pathetic and I have no friends. I heard we have something in common. Want to be my first friend?" So then he said he could call her. Great. What is more pathetic? Me calling or my husband calling on my behalf?
What a loser. No wonder I don't have any friends.
Top that all off with feeling as if I don't really have any say in our household anymore because I no longer contribute to bringing in any income. And, Derek has made a couple of comments that have made me feel as if my lowered image of self worth is true in his eyes, too. He has made statements about the fact that he is supporting our family and I am not doing anything. It hurts, it really does. I don't think he has ever seen me as an equal because his salary was always much higher than mine. But now, when I am not bringing anything in at all? Well, I feel like I am not worthy of ... anything.
And all of these feelings have led to a day in my sweats feeling totally unmotivated to do anything, tears rolling down my cheeks.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Jamie's Visit
Prior to August 20 of 2009, I could honestly say that I had never actually MET anyone from online in person. But I cannot say that anymore. My friend, Jamie (from my TTC for a long time group on Babycenter), came to visit me.
Before she came, I listened to horror stories from co-workers and friends about someone they knew who had met this person online and then agreed to meet them in person and she was pregnant and this person cut her baby out of her belly and killed the woman. I laughed to myself and thought 1)She and I have shared some really intimate thoughts with each other online and 2)I am not pregnant and neither is she and 3)If there was a pregnant 3rd party woman involved in the picture, we might be working together to acheive a common goal here...(Just kidding on that 3rd one!)
I admit, I was afraid of how it would go - I mean, typical friends evolve from you do something together, you grow closer. Not you know all of this really deep stuff about each other and THEN you meet...
But I had absolutely NOTHING to worry about. When we met each other, it was like hanging out with an old friend. We laughed, we cried, we talked, we drank wine, we stayed up late and watched TV - it was such a wonderful visit. And it was so nice to finally be able to give each other a big supportive hug IRL instead of just typing ((HUGS))!
Before she came, I listened to horror stories from co-workers and friends about someone they knew who had met this person online and then agreed to meet them in person and she was pregnant and this person cut her baby out of her belly and killed the woman. I laughed to myself and thought 1)She and I have shared some really intimate thoughts with each other online and 2)I am not pregnant and neither is she and 3)If there was a pregnant 3rd party woman involved in the picture, we might be working together to acheive a common goal here...(Just kidding on that 3rd one!)
I admit, I was afraid of how it would go - I mean, typical friends evolve from you do something together, you grow closer. Not you know all of this really deep stuff about each other and THEN you meet...
But I had absolutely NOTHING to worry about. When we met each other, it was like hanging out with an old friend. We laughed, we cried, we talked, we drank wine, we stayed up late and watched TV - it was such a wonderful visit. And it was so nice to finally be able to give each other a big supportive hug IRL instead of just typing ((HUGS))!
I am so glad that she came to visit and I can't wait for future visits!
Jamie and I at a Winemaker's Dinner
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
To My IRL Friends and Family
I know that over the past 4 years, each of you have struggled for the right words to say or the right way to act as I am in hysterics crying over my latest failed attempt at becoming a mother. I know that this last 4 years has not been easy for any of you and, although I may roll my eyes at something you say or do, I do appreciate the fact that you love me enough to make an effort to understand me and my horrendous mood swings.
I wanted to let each of you know that - contrary to popular belief - I am not the only infertile out there that acts like a mad woman every time that AF rears her head.
A good online friend of mine listed this as a link a couple of months ago before I started my own blog. I realized that it was SO true. I vowed that if I ever started my own blog, that I would link to it as well. So, here you go.
How to be a Good Friend
I wanted to let each of you know that - contrary to popular belief - I am not the only infertile out there that acts like a mad woman every time that AF rears her head.
A good online friend of mine listed this as a link a couple of months ago before I started my own blog. I realized that it was SO true. I vowed that if I ever started my own blog, that I would link to it as well. So, here you go.
How to be a Good Friend
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