We close on our new house this Thursday and we move in on Friday. We find out on Tuesday of next week if our baby is a boy or a girl. I have felt our baby move.
So why am I feeling like such a failure? Well, when we first arrived here, I spent tons of time taking care of the things that needed to be done when you move to a new city. And I have still been taking care of details for moving into our new house - from ordering blinds to arranging the delivery of our moving truck and movers to setting up the utilities. I have shopped for groceries and made some fabulous dinners. I have even baked a couple of cakes.
But, I have yet to make any "friends" and I haven't found a job.
As far as the job - I knew that finding a job while pregnant in an economy where thousands of people are struggling to find work was going to be difficult. But, I went into this process feeling very smart and capable. I was sure that I would be able to easily find some sort of employment, even if it was only part time. I know I haven't worked extremely hard to find a job yet. BUT I have submitted several resumes and made several phone calls. The only call I received for an interview thus far has been from a life insurance company who saw my resume posted online and wanted me to come in for a "group" interview at 6:30 at night. A small amount of Internet research let me know quickly that this interview was really an attempt to get me to be self employed selling life insurance. NO THANKS.
Perhaps I shouldn't get entirely discouraged yet. After all, I have spent
On the friend front - well you have to get out there to meet people. It really helps if you see the same people more than one time. I don't think many friendships are formed with the nice lady you bump into on the pasta aisle of the grocery store or the one you say "Hello" to as you pass her walking into the Post Office. I think most friendships in new cities are formed when you meet people through work or through volunteer organizations and the likes. I already mentioned that I don't have a job...And in my defense, I did call a couple of places and offered my services as a volunteer. I have yet to receive a phone call about any volunteer opportunities.
So - as I am sure you can imagine, these feelings have been building for a while. Add this to the fact that I am really missing my friends and family from back home AND the pregnancy hormones and you have a recipe for one weepy person.
Derek has mentioned that he will arrange a dinner with some of the people that he has met that he thought I could be friends with so that I could have a chance to get to know them. This hasn't happened yet. But I haven't really pushed because our weekends have been pretty full.
And then, on Friday night, Derek and I went out on the town to an event. While we were there, he started talking about having a housewarming party. I am not a party hosting type of person. It stresses me out, even when I KNOW all of the people who are coming love me and don't expect every detail to be perfect. All I could think was that I wouldn't know a single person at this party other than my husband. And this doesn't sound like a whole lot of fun for me. I don't think I mingle well under stress. Of course, I didn't say this to him - I just nodded and said it sounded like a great idea.
Then he was telling me about a friend of one of his co-workers who is due a couple of weeks before me. He said he would get her number so that I could call her and maybe we could be friends.
With tears brimming in my eyes, I tried to explain to him how miserable I felt. What would I do with her phone number? Call her up and say "Hi, I am pathetic and I have no friends. I heard we have something in common. Want to be my first friend?" So then he said he could call her. Great. What is more pathetic? Me calling or my husband calling on my behalf?
What a loser. No wonder I don't have any friends.
Top that all off with feeling as if I don't really have any say in our household anymore because I no longer contribute to bringing in any income. And, Derek has made a couple of comments that have made me feel as if my lowered image of self worth is true in his eyes, too. He has made statements about the fact that he is supporting our family and I am not doing anything. It hurts, it really does. I don't think he has ever seen me as an equal because his salary was always much higher than mine. But now, when I am not bringing anything in at all? Well, I feel like I am not worthy of ... anything.
And all of these feelings have led to a day in my sweats feeling totally unmotivated to do anything, tears rolling down my cheeks.
9 comments:
Oh Honey...I know how hard it is to meet friends in a new town. Don't feel awkward at all calling the other pregnant lady at your hubby's work. I am sure she would love to get together. Hang in there!
So sorry. I know it must be really hard being in a new place with all new people. I imagine it is pretty lonely. Could you talk to Derek about how you're feeling? I don't know if you feel comfortable doing that or not...it's just an idea. I don't blame you for not wanting to call the girl. That would be weird for me too. (((HUGS)))
Hi Carli,
I found your blog through the babycenter website :) I am SO happy for you, great great news... can't wait to see picture of this adorable little peanut!
Dont' feel down... I was watching a baby story all my pregnancy too, and trust me in a few month you will have so many friends you won't even have time to call them back. Having a baby will bring so many new people into your life, join mothers groups and baby gyms, you will meet a ton of people. And yes you will find friends at the grocery store too when people start asking how old "this adorable cutie pie is" :) Take good care of yourself and little baby :) Audrey
Oh Carli- don't let those pregnancy hormones get the best of you. You have seriously only lived in Michigan for less than 2 months. Give yourself a break. It's not exactly the time of year where people spend a lot of time outside casually- we all hole up in our homes this time of year in the midwest. Things will get better once the weather warms up and people are outside again. Then you can meet people that live around you on walks, in your yard, at the park, etc.
Meeting new people and making new friends is like first dates- it's awkward and uncomfortable. It's not just you. When you feel up to it, you can call and if you don't ever feel up to it, the PP was right- once your little one is here, you'll have lots of opportunities to meet moms of new little ones, too.
One more thing- not sure what the requirements are for teacher subs in Michigan, but in WI, anyone with a degree can sub. That might be something to look into if you want something short term but a little income and something to do.
Carli, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. The hormones are definitely NOT helping. When Stephen and I first moved to Colorado and I was working from home I felt so isolated and lonely. It felt impossible to meet people. I think it was a year before I really felt connected. Then when we moved around a bit and then I was pregnant with no job I really felt isolated, so I can relate. You are doing an INCREDIBLE thing though. You are growing a child in your body. There is nothing failure about that. When you really stop to think about what your body is doing right now, it is pretty incredible. Please be easier on yourself. You are doing the best you can do and resting and taking care of yourself and that little one are top on that list! LOVE YOU!
Oh, Carli, I'm so sorry. I hope things start looking up soon. Maybe when the weather gets a little nicer, it'll be easier to get out and do... anything. Moving sucks, I know.
It's mostly hormones, for real...give yourself permission to feel crummy and then do something nice for yourself to feel better. Get a pedicure (ha! in the Michigan winter, this is a challenge), or a prenatal massage, or go out for hot chocolate or something and kick your feet up. You are contributing something more valuable than income to your family -- you are carrying your and your husband's child! That's work, lady! Talk to him about how you're feeling, even the bad stuff, so he understands where you're coming from. He'll get it if you tell him, but he'll never get it if you don't.
Also, I moved around every 6 mo-1 yr as a kid, so I know very well the feeling of isolation when you're new and don't know anyone. Make a point to talk to people, go to the library, go to coffee shops, stop in baby clothing stores, wherever. You can do it. Let your husband invite people over from work and order in so you're not overburdened. I say this because you will be pretty homebound for a while after the baby is born, and having a few friendly acquaintances you can talk to for some adult interaction will be handy. Also, they'll come by and bring food. :)
Yea for all the good things in your life. I so know what you mean about the friends thing. Making friends is hard and it's especially hard when your not outgoing and aren't sure how to start things. I am so like that. Maybe you could volunteer somewhere or join an activity of something you like? That might be an easier way to meet some new people.
Carli, I'm sorry I have not gotten to commenting sooner, even though I had read this after you first published it. My heart goes out to you. Hormones or not, I think this move would be a great adjustment. I think Katie said some very smart things. And now that you are in your new home, I hope that it will give you an opportunity to feel like you can meet the neighbors and truly get settled into your new town. Spring will be here soon and with that comes more activity outside with fresh opportunities.
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