If you haven't seen this movie and don't want a spoiler, please read no further. Or, if you want an IF heads up, by all means, please proceed.
Derek and I rented this from Red.box the other night. I wasn't really sure what to expect - I had only seen the previews on TV and knew that the movie had to do with some couples who went to some paradise island for a retreat. And, I heart Vince Vaughn.
We settled in - me with a bottle of water and Derek with a glass of wine. The previews finish, the credits roll. Dave (Vince Vaughn's character)'s little boy pees in a toilet in the showroom. I am psyched to be having a movie night with my hubby. Then comes the birthday party and the power point presentation. Those of you who have seen the movie KNOW that the powerpoint lets us all know that Jason and Cynthia have been suffering from infertility and that it has put a large strain on their marriage and that they are considering a divorce. *** And that the whole freaking POINT of this couple's retreat is to see if their marriage can make it. I looked at Derek and he looked at me. I asked Derek to pause the movie.
And then I went downstairs and got my own glass of wine. A big one.
So, then we watched the rest of the movie. After all, I do heart Vince Vaughn and the rental was a free one so who could waste that kind of money??? I know, I must be a masochist, right?
But the point of this post is that, although I waited for it, it never came; that moment where the infertile couple miraculously becomes pregnant just because of some romantic trip. We all know that the only way that Hollywood knows how to portray an infertility plotline is that it will happen when you just relax! I even watched the alternate ending to see if it was there. And it wasn't.
So, kudos to you Mr. Screenwriters and Mr. Producer. I take my hat off to you all for creating an movie in which an infertile couple lives happily ever after - even if that happily ever after means just surviving as a couple.
*** Disclaimer: I have to admint that I thought the power point and timeline to their next possible attempt at procreation was funny - haven't we ALL thought about how long it would take for us or our partners to find someone they could have a child with???
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
Tribute to Grandma Juanita
A couple of weekends ago, 3 wonderful online friends of mine came to Georgia for the weekend. I had the best intentions of posting about it, but it was not meant to be. You can read my friend Melissa's account of the event here. It really was a very wonderful weekend and I am so greatful for these friends and for the time I had to spend with them IRL.
The weekend they were here, we found out that Derek's Grandma, Juanita, had been placed in the hospital due to dehydration. Her health had declined rapidly over the last several months and she had been subjected to several hospital stays. From the way Derek's Grandpa described the situation, it was really not a serious illness. Derek's parents (who have spent a couple of months in Georgia during the winter for the last 4 years) decided to head up to Indiana to check on her. They left on the Sunday that my friends were heading back home. Derek talked to his Grandma on Sunday night and she seemed alert and on the mend.
By Monday, her health had declined rapidly and she was no longer coherent. We left as soon as we found out and made it to Indiana by 1 am on Tuesday morning. Although she wasn't responsive all of the time, she clearly knew who we were and I have no doubt that when her spirit left this world headed for heaven, she knew that her family loved her. We didn't leave her side until she passed away (peacefully) at 3:15 am on March 17, 2010.
We each had our chances to say what we wanted to say to her and I am so thankful that we had that opportunity.
I never got to know Juanita when she could run from a bear in the UP or when she could hear what I was saying or when I could fully experience all that she gave to her family. But from the 6 short years that I knew her, she was an absolutely wonderful woman who made sure her family knew she loved them. Every time we left, she cried. And she wrote down what time we should make it home so that she would't forget to make sure we made it there. She never had a mean thing to say about anyone. She had a beautiful smile and a warm heart. I bet she baked some delicious cookies and I am sure that, as a child, Derek spent some wonderful time snuggled up in her lap. She loved to sweep the driveway. She enjoyed the simple things in life like watching the birds eat from her birdfeeder and swinging in her back yard.
Derek doesn't have a very large family and losing his Grandmother was a large blow to us. She will be greatly missed by all of us.
The weekend they were here, we found out that Derek's Grandma, Juanita, had been placed in the hospital due to dehydration. Her health had declined rapidly over the last several months and she had been subjected to several hospital stays. From the way Derek's Grandpa described the situation, it was really not a serious illness. Derek's parents (who have spent a couple of months in Georgia during the winter for the last 4 years) decided to head up to Indiana to check on her. They left on the Sunday that my friends were heading back home. Derek talked to his Grandma on Sunday night and she seemed alert and on the mend.
By Monday, her health had declined rapidly and she was no longer coherent. We left as soon as we found out and made it to Indiana by 1 am on Tuesday morning. Although she wasn't responsive all of the time, she clearly knew who we were and I have no doubt that when her spirit left this world headed for heaven, she knew that her family loved her. We didn't leave her side until she passed away (peacefully) at 3:15 am on March 17, 2010.
We each had our chances to say what we wanted to say to her and I am so thankful that we had that opportunity.
I never got to know Juanita when she could run from a bear in the UP or when she could hear what I was saying or when I could fully experience all that she gave to her family. But from the 6 short years that I knew her, she was an absolutely wonderful woman who made sure her family knew she loved them. Every time we left, she cried. And she wrote down what time we should make it home so that she would't forget to make sure we made it there. She never had a mean thing to say about anyone. She had a beautiful smile and a warm heart. I bet she baked some delicious cookies and I am sure that, as a child, Derek spent some wonderful time snuggled up in her lap. She loved to sweep the driveway. She enjoyed the simple things in life like watching the birds eat from her birdfeeder and swinging in her back yard.
Derek doesn't have a very large family and losing his Grandmother was a large blow to us. She will be greatly missed by all of us.
Monday, March 1, 2010
More Than We Can Chew???
I know I have been a terrible blogger. I have not been posting (with the exception of the last pitty party post) and I have not been commenting. I have been reading all of the blogs that I follow though and I love you all dearly!
I just wanted to let you all know that I was still alive and kicking and explain my absence.
See, to move forward with this "Move", we have to finish the house. And as I posted before, we are currently working on our master bath. Some of you (my BBC friends) already know this, but I have a group of my online friends getting together in a couple of weeks. When the location was picked, I offered my house as a place to stay. Hotel Carli... ***
Anyway, we had been planning our master bath remodel for a while. But, unlike most of the other projects in our house, I know this project is simply in preparation to sell the place and I have not been as concerned with the details. The cabinets came in the first of February. I said to myself "we finished the kitchen in a month, we can do the bathroom and be DONE before my friends arrive!" And so, demo began. What the fuck was I thinking?????
I thought the first weekened, we would demo and get to the laying tile part. Overzealous, I know. But I like to plan big. Well, Day 1 we did some demo. We picked up the new cabinets. Found out 1 was not right, took it back and reordered replacement. Day 2, I thought we would lay backer board and tile. Nope. Derek convinced me (with quite a bit of wine on Night 1) that we would add a new shower to our project. Day 2 included a lot of time researching our options. Weekend 1 ended without much progress and I was stressed about that, but it was too late to turn back.
Weekend 2, we had some nasty weather roll in and 4 inches of snow. If you haven't been to Georgia in the winter for snow, let me tell you that ALL things stop. Businesses close, roads are impassible. Grocery stores are out of milk, bread, and eggs. Don't ask me why. We couldn't tile until we HAD tile, so we had to go shopping for it. After being house bound for the morning due to hazardous road conditions, we ventured out and found some tile. We had dinner that night with some friends, so Day 3 of the project was shot. Day 4 we finished demo by removing old tub and shower. We also completed the necessary plumbing repairs for the sink area. And, after DAYS (and by this I mean reasearching the net until you thought your eyes would pop out) of deliberating about what type of bathing area to install, we finally made a decision. But we have tile!!! Now we have to figure out what to do with this pesky window...
Some time during this week, Derek and I have a big argument about how I really haven't been much help with making decisions for this project. (I want to ask "Really? Don't you think it is because we won't be living here and I thought that letting you pick it all would avoid any large argument over details of a room that we will hopefully not occupy for long???)
Weekend 3, my Grandma came for a last minute visit. Although I wanted to get our project done, I wanted to spend some quality time with my Grandma. So, Day 5 of construction got off to a late start (coffee and chatting with Grandma) but consisted of basically laying down the backer board. That was it. Once it was all installed, we broke for the day. Day 6, we got a late start again and ended up laying some floor tile. Looking good, but no where near ready. And, 4 full days later than I had hoped to start laying tile.
This was Weekend 4 (wasn't this when I planned we would have the bathroom done???) Needless to say, panic has set in for me and Derek is feeling the stress of it too.I am not being the nicest person to my husband. I am a bitch to my husband and we are ready to kill each other arguing over the smallest details. Day 7 (for me, anyway) was my Furlough Day from work. I did some housework and then my MIL and FIL came over. My FIL hauled away trash and was a big help. My MIL and I painted the ceiling. It seems like we did something else too, but that feels like AGES ago.
Day 8, Derek and I went for supplies (late start AGAIN!!!) and then got started. We knew that we had to set our new shower pan before we could finish laying the tile. After much planning on the plumbing, we cut off the water, cut the pipes and readied ourselves to start the shower pan. Then we wasted an hour or so installing the niche for the shower that didn't have to be done right then. Then we set the shower base and it didn't seem to be leveling so we picked it up, worked some more, set it again...Repeat, add more water to the mortar because it appears too dry. Finally, we think we have it installed. The "Easy to Install" instruction video shows installing the flashing and backer board and the installer walking all over the shower base. We do this. We get the shower plumbing installed. We wait the 2 hours for the glue to set. We work on more backer board while we wait...We finally go to bed at about 1 in the morning.
At some point, on Day 8, Derek turns to me and says, "Honey, do you think we bit off more than we can chew?" If only he had known what Day 9 would bring...
Day 9, we get up and check the shower pan. It seemed mushy in spots. Go online. Research shower pan some more. Find another website that says that after you set the pan, do not walk in it or put any pressure on it. CRAP. Plumbing is already through the backer board. Double Crap. Call help line and get no help. Curse and yell at each other a lot. Finally start moving forward. Deconstruct everything we spent hours doing on Day 8. Spend hours scrapping mortar that has hardened from floor. Call inlaws and request different mortar (at suggestion of new website and mean guy from website just trying to make a living). Set shower base again. Get it good and level and use 2 x 4s screwed in to hold it in place. Finish tiling floor. Finish up at 9 at night.
Looking back at it, it is quite humorous.
So, between THIS and all of the other day to day stuff that goes on, I am exhausted. And the bathroom isn't done. But, we are getting there. Looks like this weekend I will be pulling some late nights trying to get the floor grouted AND the walls painted so that this next weekend we can get as much done as possible.
So as much as I would love to say that I will be back to commenting or posting regularly, I won't lie to you. My online activities are taking a backseat right now.
With the exception of this really long post. Ha!
*** IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: To my friends coming to visit - PLEASE understand that I am not that concerned about not having the bathroom finished before you arrive. I know you will all understand. It is the stress of the project getting bigger and bigger and the decisions to be made and the problems we have hit and the fact that my husband seems to like to really get started on working at about 1 in the afternoon (when I would prefer to really be moving by 9 or so and this adds in another whole dimension of stress) and that I am so tired of having bathroom cabintes in my dining room and half of my closet laying on one of the guest beds and a garage so full of construction crap that you can't walk through it. And that mostly, I am so tired of arguing with my husband...
I just wanted to let you all know that I was still alive and kicking and explain my absence.
See, to move forward with this "Move", we have to finish the house. And as I posted before, we are currently working on our master bath. Some of you (my BBC friends) already know this, but I have a group of my online friends getting together in a couple of weeks. When the location was picked, I offered my house as a place to stay. Hotel Carli... ***
Anyway, we had been planning our master bath remodel for a while. But, unlike most of the other projects in our house, I know this project is simply in preparation to sell the place and I have not been as concerned with the details. The cabinets came in the first of February. I said to myself "we finished the kitchen in a month, we can do the bathroom and be DONE before my friends arrive!" And so, demo began. What the fuck was I thinking?????
I thought the first weekened, we would demo and get to the laying tile part. Overzealous, I know. But I like to plan big. Well, Day 1 we did some demo. We picked up the new cabinets. Found out 1 was not right, took it back and reordered replacement. Day 2, I thought we would lay backer board and tile. Nope. Derek convinced me (with quite a bit of wine on Night 1) that we would add a new shower to our project. Day 2 included a lot of time researching our options. Weekend 1 ended without much progress and I was stressed about that, but it was too late to turn back.
Weekend 2, we had some nasty weather roll in and 4 inches of snow. If you haven't been to Georgia in the winter for snow, let me tell you that ALL things stop. Businesses close, roads are impassible. Grocery stores are out of milk, bread, and eggs. Don't ask me why. We couldn't tile until we HAD tile, so we had to go shopping for it. After being house bound for the morning due to hazardous road conditions, we ventured out and found some tile. We had dinner that night with some friends, so Day 3 of the project was shot. Day 4 we finished demo by removing old tub and shower. We also completed the necessary plumbing repairs for the sink area. And, after DAYS (and by this I mean reasearching the net until you thought your eyes would pop out) of deliberating about what type of bathing area to install, we finally made a decision. But we have tile!!! Now we have to figure out what to do with this pesky window...
Some time during this week, Derek and I have a big argument about how I really haven't been much help with making decisions for this project. (I want to ask "Really? Don't you think it is because we won't be living here and I thought that letting you pick it all would avoid any large argument over details of a room that we will hopefully not occupy for long???)
Weekend 3, my Grandma came for a last minute visit. Although I wanted to get our project done, I wanted to spend some quality time with my Grandma. So, Day 5 of construction got off to a late start (coffee and chatting with Grandma) but consisted of basically laying down the backer board. That was it. Once it was all installed, we broke for the day. Day 6, we got a late start again and ended up laying some floor tile. Looking good, but no where near ready. And, 4 full days later than I had hoped to start laying tile.
This was Weekend 4 (wasn't this when I planned we would have the bathroom done???) Needless to say, panic has set in for me and Derek is feeling the stress of it too.
Day 8, Derek and I went for supplies (late start AGAIN!!!) and then got started. We knew that we had to set our new shower pan before we could finish laying the tile. After much planning on the plumbing, we cut off the water, cut the pipes and readied ourselves to start the shower pan. Then we wasted an hour or so installing the niche for the shower that didn't have to be done right then. Then we set the shower base and it didn't seem to be leveling so we picked it up, worked some more, set it again...Repeat, add more water to the mortar because it appears too dry. Finally, we think we have it installed. The "Easy to Install" instruction video shows installing the flashing and backer board and the installer walking all over the shower base. We do this. We get the shower plumbing installed. We wait the 2 hours for the glue to set. We work on more backer board while we wait...We finally go to bed at about 1 in the morning.
At some point, on Day 8, Derek turns to me and says, "Honey, do you think we bit off more than we can chew?" If only he had known what Day 9 would bring...
Day 9, we get up and check the shower pan. It seemed mushy in spots. Go online. Research shower pan some more. Find another website that says that after you set the pan, do not walk in it or put any pressure on it. CRAP. Plumbing is already through the backer board. Double Crap. Call help line and get no help. Curse and yell at each other a lot. Finally start moving forward. Deconstruct everything we spent hours doing on Day 8. Spend hours scrapping mortar that has hardened from floor. Call inlaws and request different mortar (at suggestion of new website and mean guy from website just trying to make a living). Set shower base again. Get it good and level and use 2 x 4s screwed in to hold it in place. Finish tiling floor. Finish up at 9 at night.
Looking back at it, it is quite humorous.
So, between THIS and all of the other day to day stuff that goes on, I am exhausted. And the bathroom isn't done. But, we are getting there. Looks like this weekend I will be pulling some late nights trying to get the floor grouted AND the walls painted so that this next weekend we can get as much done as possible.
So as much as I would love to say that I will be back to commenting or posting regularly, I won't lie to you. My online activities are taking a backseat right now.
With the exception of this really long post. Ha!
*** IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: To my friends coming to visit - PLEASE understand that I am not that concerned about not having the bathroom finished before you arrive. I know you will all understand. It is the stress of the project getting bigger and bigger and the decisions to be made and the problems we have hit and the fact that my husband seems to like to really get started on working at about 1 in the afternoon (when I would prefer to really be moving by 9 or so and this adds in another whole dimension of stress) and that I am so tired of having bathroom cabintes in my dining room and half of my closet laying on one of the guest beds and a garage so full of construction crap that you can't walk through it. And that mostly, I am so tired of arguing with my husband...
Monday, February 22, 2010
This was Supposed to Be
This post was supposed to be about the lovely visit that I had with my Grandma this weekend.
This post was supposed to be about the progress we have made on our master bath renovation.
This post was supposed to be about me accepting the blog award from Melissa (Thank you and I promise I will accept the award officially and follow the rules soon).
Hell, it was supposed to be about the shower basin that was supposed to be delivered tonight at 5 and here it is almost 3 hours later and the delivery man hasn't even made it to our house yet...
But it isn't.
This post is about another co-worker who told me this morning that she is expecting a baby. And not just any co-worker. One of the girls that I supervise. I will get to watch her grow every single day of the week and wish it was me.
Oh, and did I mention that she just got married on December 26th???
She had some testing done right before the wedding because there was no prevention going on during the 2 year courtship and no accidents had occurred. She was told by her OBGYN that she had a tilted uterus and would need IUI to get PG. This morning, she told me that she had visited a natural healing person (the spanish equivalent of a witch doctor?) and that it had worked. She offered to take me to the place since it worked for her. It was a really sweet thought, I know. And, in the end, I may go to said witch doctor. (Because if I can give myself shots every day and be put to sleep for egg retrieval, why would I be against drinking a little stinky tea and doing some things designed to cleanse my body, right???)
But right now, I am struggling with the here and now. The last time this happened to me was right after I lost the only baby I have ever officially been pregnant with and I really struggled with it. Watching her baby grow reminded me every day that MY baby would have been a few weeks older.
I don't know if this one will be quite as hard (and I sure hope not) because I know this girl will be a wonderful mommy. And I really am happy for her. Ok, maybe 99%. No, probably more like 86%. Well, I can't lie to you all, it is probably more like 75% happy.
Seriously, though, I gave her a big hug and I will do my best to not begrudge her because she has what I can't have.
And I promise I will post more about happy things later. Like how beautiful our tile will be.
This post was supposed to be about the progress we have made on our master bath renovation.
This post was supposed to be about me accepting the blog award from Melissa (Thank you and I promise I will accept the award officially and follow the rules soon).
Hell, it was supposed to be about the shower basin that was supposed to be delivered tonight at 5 and here it is almost 3 hours later and the delivery man hasn't even made it to our house yet...
But it isn't.
This post is about another co-worker who told me this morning that she is expecting a baby. And not just any co-worker. One of the girls that I supervise. I will get to watch her grow every single day of the week and wish it was me.
Oh, and did I mention that she just got married on December 26th???
She had some testing done right before the wedding because there was no prevention going on during the 2 year courtship and no accidents had occurred. She was told by her OBGYN that she had a tilted uterus and would need IUI to get PG. This morning, she told me that she had visited a natural healing person (the spanish equivalent of a witch doctor?) and that it had worked. She offered to take me to the place since it worked for her. It was a really sweet thought, I know. And, in the end, I may go to said witch doctor. (Because if I can give myself shots every day and be put to sleep for egg retrieval, why would I be against drinking a little stinky tea and doing some things designed to cleanse my body, right???)
But right now, I am struggling with the here and now. The last time this happened to me was right after I lost the only baby I have ever officially been pregnant with and I really struggled with it. Watching her baby grow reminded me every day that MY baby would have been a few weeks older.
I don't know if this one will be quite as hard (and I sure hope not) because I know this girl will be a wonderful mommy. And I really am happy for her. Ok, maybe 99%. No, probably more like 86%. Well, I can't lie to you all, it is probably more like 75% happy.
Seriously, though, I gave her a big hug and I will do my best to not begrudge her because she has what I can't have.
And I promise I will post more about happy things later. Like how beautiful our tile will be.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
And the State is...
I guess I didn't realize I had left you all hanging in regards to our though process in my last post until I read all of your comments. So sorry about that.
I do have to say that I am TOTALLY touched that my IF friends submitted suggestions based on where they live. It is nice to be loved. :o)
Our requirements were that the location would preferably usable water (a beach, maybe), a quaint downtown area - we would like to buy a house downtown and be able to walk/ride our bikes to activites, plenty of things to do in the community, and a lot of outdoor activities.
Some of our top contestants were:
Sonoma County (probably Santa Rosa), California
Asheville, North Carolina
Charelston, South Carolina
A city along the Western Edge of Michigan
Maui Hawaii (a pipe dream really)
And the winner is....
MICHIGAN (Katie guessed it!!!)
We have thought long and hard about this and Michigan won for many reasons.
The first is Lake Michigan with their sandy beaches and the many natural lakes in the state. Many of the small lakes have bike paths around them. There are dunes to be hiked. The small towns have tons of festivals and activities. There is a nice wine region. And they have snow. Lots of snow.
Now, I can admit that I am a bit freaked out about "living" in the snow instead of just visiting it, but the idea of being able to do something fun outside during the winter (ski, snowmobile, sled, etc) seems like a nice change of pace. I would much rather have 20 and snow than 39 and rain (which is a normal Georgia winter).
In addition to all of that, Derek's family lives in Michigan. We have lived near my family for 6 years now and it would be nice to live closer to his family for a while. We have picked out a city as our possible new home, but nothing is concrete at the moment.
I can't say I don't have my moments in which I panic about the big change. I can say, though, that I am actually sincerely looking forward to it. I think that starting over somewhere new will be a great adventure as a couple.
I do have to say that I am TOTALLY touched that my IF friends submitted suggestions based on where they live. It is nice to be loved. :o)
Our requirements were that the location would preferably usable water (a beach, maybe), a quaint downtown area - we would like to buy a house downtown and be able to walk/ride our bikes to activites, plenty of things to do in the community, and a lot of outdoor activities.
Some of our top contestants were:
Sonoma County (probably Santa Rosa), California
Asheville, North Carolina
Charelston, South Carolina
A city along the Western Edge of Michigan
Maui Hawaii (a pipe dream really)
And the winner is....
MICHIGAN (Katie guessed it!!!)
We have thought long and hard about this and Michigan won for many reasons.
The first is Lake Michigan with their sandy beaches and the many natural lakes in the state. Many of the small lakes have bike paths around them. There are dunes to be hiked. The small towns have tons of festivals and activities. There is a nice wine region. And they have snow. Lots of snow.
Now, I can admit that I am a bit freaked out about "living" in the snow instead of just visiting it, but the idea of being able to do something fun outside during the winter (ski, snowmobile, sled, etc) seems like a nice change of pace. I would much rather have 20 and snow than 39 and rain (which is a normal Georgia winter).
In addition to all of that, Derek's family lives in Michigan. We have lived near my family for 6 years now and it would be nice to live closer to his family for a while. We have picked out a city as our possible new home, but nothing is concrete at the moment.
I can't say I don't have my moments in which I panic about the big change. I can say, though, that I am actually sincerely looking forward to it. I think that starting over somewhere new will be a great adventure as a couple.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Our Progress (or Lack Thereof) Towards Adoption
You, my faithful readers, may have noticed that in the last few weeks, this blog has included no posts related to our progress on adoption. That is because there has been None. Zip. Zero. Zilch. Nada. And I feel that I owe you all an explanation.
I have not blogged about this - I don't know why I have been so hesitant. Perhaps because I am afraid someone at the job that I hate will stumble across my blog and they will learn of my plan? Perhaps because I am afraid that my mother (who I gave the address of my blog to but I don't think she has ever pulled it up to read it - but that probably deserves a post all of it's own - but I digress) will read this post and freak out. Perhaps it is because I just don't know how to say it.
For the past year or so, Derek and I have been feeling trapped. Trapped by the jobs we hate. Trapped by the house that was meant to be an "investment". Trapped by the town in which we live. Trapped by our infertility. Trapped. Trapped. Trapped. We have discussed, at length, how we would love to pack up and move somewhere else. Somewhere new. Somewhere that offers the lifestyle that we want to live and where we could just start over. I know, moving somewhere new won't change my fertility status and it won't make a baby magically appear. But at least it will give us a fresh start. By selling this house and moving away from here, we have the opportunity that perhaps Derek can take a much less stressful job and that, as a couple, we can be better parents to our future children that we can't produce on our own.
Well, here lies the conundrum. The adoption process can take a long time. For some people, it can take a couple of years. When you are dreaming of moving somewhere else, you have to ask yourself "Do I really want to get started in this process that can take years and tie us to this place we dislike for even longer?" We have been trying to figure out how we could start the process here and finish it in a different state and that was our plan.
But then, the misery with certain parts of our lives here grew larger and some incertainty about Derek's job came into the picture. I began to worry about the extra stress on Derek to try to stick it out here and start the process. I started to worry about what moving mid-stream would do to the time line. Did I really want to go through all of the work to get started in Georgia just to have to repeat all of the work in the new state? And what if we were matched with a BM who got freaked out by our move in the middle? All of the what if's started to worry me. BIG TIME.
So I sat DH down and we discussed an "exit strategy". I told him that if we were serious about making this change, that I thought we should start planning for it now and move towards reaching that - set ourselves some goals and a timeline. And we agreed to put the adoption on hold for a couple of months. I am still looking at agencies and if we happened to find a BM that we could adopt independently from, we would still go for it if the situation was right. But I am not tying us to this place any longer.
We were wanting to finish up a couple of items in the house so that we can maximize our profit when we sell this place. So we are now one room away from having the main level of the house finished. We thought we might make some touch ups to the garage. We are going to replace the flooring in the basement and give it a paint job. And then we are going to list the house and hope for a quick sale.
We also wanted to stick it out until a set date in the future because it was more beneficial with Derek's job to reach that date. That date is quickly approaching.
Our thoughts are that if the house sales, we will have some cash to fall back on and we can move to our new location and find a place to rent. We can find ourselves some jobs and look for a house to buy. And once we get settled, we can sign up with the agency of choice.
So there you have it. The truth about why we haven't really made any progress...Recently, I have been thinking (more times that I care to admit) that living our lives would be so much easier if we didn't have to plan it around how to procure a child. Why can't we just have a baby the old fashioned way???
I have not blogged about this - I don't know why I have been so hesitant. Perhaps because I am afraid someone at the job that I hate will stumble across my blog and they will learn of my plan? Perhaps because I am afraid that my mother (who I gave the address of my blog to but I don't think she has ever pulled it up to read it - but that probably deserves a post all of it's own - but I digress) will read this post and freak out. Perhaps it is because I just don't know how to say it.
For the past year or so, Derek and I have been feeling trapped. Trapped by the jobs we hate. Trapped by the house that was meant to be an "investment". Trapped by the town in which we live. Trapped by our infertility. Trapped. Trapped. Trapped. We have discussed, at length, how we would love to pack up and move somewhere else. Somewhere new. Somewhere that offers the lifestyle that we want to live and where we could just start over. I know, moving somewhere new won't change my fertility status and it won't make a baby magically appear. But at least it will give us a fresh start. By selling this house and moving away from here, we have the opportunity that perhaps Derek can take a much less stressful job and that, as a couple, we can be better parents to our future children that we can't produce on our own.
Well, here lies the conundrum. The adoption process can take a long time. For some people, it can take a couple of years. When you are dreaming of moving somewhere else, you have to ask yourself "Do I really want to get started in this process that can take years and tie us to this place we dislike for even longer?" We have been trying to figure out how we could start the process here and finish it in a different state and that was our plan.
But then, the misery with certain parts of our lives here grew larger and some incertainty about Derek's job came into the picture. I began to worry about the extra stress on Derek to try to stick it out here and start the process. I started to worry about what moving mid-stream would do to the time line. Did I really want to go through all of the work to get started in Georgia just to have to repeat all of the work in the new state? And what if we were matched with a BM who got freaked out by our move in the middle? All of the what if's started to worry me. BIG TIME.
So I sat DH down and we discussed an "exit strategy". I told him that if we were serious about making this change, that I thought we should start planning for it now and move towards reaching that - set ourselves some goals and a timeline. And we agreed to put the adoption on hold for a couple of months. I am still looking at agencies and if we happened to find a BM that we could adopt independently from, we would still go for it if the situation was right. But I am not tying us to this place any longer.
We were wanting to finish up a couple of items in the house so that we can maximize our profit when we sell this place. So we are now one room away from having the main level of the house finished. We thought we might make some touch ups to the garage. We are going to replace the flooring in the basement and give it a paint job. And then we are going to list the house and hope for a quick sale.
We also wanted to stick it out until a set date in the future because it was more beneficial with Derek's job to reach that date. That date is quickly approaching.
Our thoughts are that if the house sales, we will have some cash to fall back on and we can move to our new location and find a place to rent. We can find ourselves some jobs and look for a house to buy. And once we get settled, we can sign up with the agency of choice.
So there you have it. The truth about why we haven't really made any progress...Recently, I have been thinking (more times that I care to admit) that living our lives would be so much easier if we didn't have to plan it around how to procure a child. Why can't we just have a baby the old fashioned way???
Monday, February 1, 2010
Paging Nurse Carli...
So, this weekend, our house was filled with sickness. If discussing the bodily issues offends or disgusts you, please read no further.
Back in 2008, Murfy (our youngest furbaby) got an abcessed anal gland. The poor little guy's rump swelled up because the gland was filled with puss and blood. Several days later, the abcess ruptured and it took several days to heal up. The vet had mentioned during this ailment that abcessed anal glands were not very common. Fast forward about 16 months. Well, apparently, after an initial abcess, scar tissue forms in the gland and repeat abcesses are common. He began exhibiting the first symptoms of an abcess on Thursday evening. The vet confirmed on Saturday morning that he was suffering from another abcess. They sedated him and tried to drain it (to no avail). They sent us home with antibiotics. The area kept swelling and got quite painful. Last night, as I was holding a hot compress on it, it came to a head and ruptured - all over my hand. Grossness. I had to go today to get him some additional pain meds. He still isn't 100% back to normal, but he is getting a little better. He still isn't eating (we are having to feed him baby food) and he was not sleeping. He kept us up until about 4 this morning licking the area. At least he seems to be resting comfortably right now.
My other patient this weekend has been my husband. Saturday, he started saying he wasn't feeling so well. By Saturday night, he was running a fever of almost 103 and had a really bad cough. I made a call to the on call service and they called him in some Tam.iflu just in case it was the flu. He is still running a fever today and coughing up some ugly brown plegm. So, off to the doctor we went. Apparently it is probably not the flu. It is some nasty upper-respiratory virus that is going around. And it has settled in his chest and he now has bronchitus.
So, with over half of my boys sick, I have been quite busy this weekend. It seemed as if every time I turned around, it was time for someone to take medicine or someone needed water or someone needed some attention or someone got some gross substance on something and it needed washed (seriously, I think I washed the same blanket 3 times this weekend). And between the middle of the night coughing and butt licking, I haven't gotten much sleep.
I didn't make it to work today because I knew that I was still needed around here. And now, I am afraid I will not be making it in tomorrow. Not because I will be needed by my patients, but because I might be a patient as well. My legs have started aching and I am feeling feverish, I have had a headache and an itchy throat. My temp hasn't spiked yet, so nothing is definite yet, but I guess time will tell. If you don't hear from me for a few days, you all know why.
Thankfully, my MIL is a wonderful and kind woman. She and my FIL are in GA for 3 months to escape the snow of the north. She knows that Derek and Murfy are both sick. Yesterday, they delivered some popsickles. Today, she made lasagna and a salad and delivered it to our house so that I only had to stick it in the oven. THANK YOU NANCY!!!
There was another event this weekend that I would like to post about, but I don't have the energy to do it right now. I will fill you all in on that when I get the chance.
Back in 2008, Murfy (our youngest furbaby) got an abcessed anal gland. The poor little guy's rump swelled up because the gland was filled with puss and blood. Several days later, the abcess ruptured and it took several days to heal up. The vet had mentioned during this ailment that abcessed anal glands were not very common. Fast forward about 16 months. Well, apparently, after an initial abcess, scar tissue forms in the gland and repeat abcesses are common. He began exhibiting the first symptoms of an abcess on Thursday evening. The vet confirmed on Saturday morning that he was suffering from another abcess. They sedated him and tried to drain it (to no avail). They sent us home with antibiotics. The area kept swelling and got quite painful. Last night, as I was holding a hot compress on it, it came to a head and ruptured - all over my hand. Grossness. I had to go today to get him some additional pain meds. He still isn't 100% back to normal, but he is getting a little better. He still isn't eating (we are having to feed him baby food) and he was not sleeping. He kept us up until about 4 this morning licking the area. At least he seems to be resting comfortably right now.
My other patient this weekend has been my husband. Saturday, he started saying he wasn't feeling so well. By Saturday night, he was running a fever of almost 103 and had a really bad cough. I made a call to the on call service and they called him in some Tam.iflu just in case it was the flu. He is still running a fever today and coughing up some ugly brown plegm. So, off to the doctor we went. Apparently it is probably not the flu. It is some nasty upper-respiratory virus that is going around. And it has settled in his chest and he now has bronchitus.
So, with over half of my boys sick, I have been quite busy this weekend. It seemed as if every time I turned around, it was time for someone to take medicine or someone needed water or someone needed some attention or someone got some gross substance on something and it needed washed (seriously, I think I washed the same blanket 3 times this weekend). And between the middle of the night coughing and butt licking, I haven't gotten much sleep.
I didn't make it to work today because I knew that I was still needed around here. And now, I am afraid I will not be making it in tomorrow. Not because I will be needed by my patients, but because I might be a patient as well. My legs have started aching and I am feeling feverish, I have had a headache and an itchy throat. My temp hasn't spiked yet, so nothing is definite yet, but I guess time will tell. If you don't hear from me for a few days, you all know why.
Thankfully, my MIL is a wonderful and kind woman. She and my FIL are in GA for 3 months to escape the snow of the north. She knows that Derek and Murfy are both sick. Yesterday, they delivered some popsickles. Today, she made lasagna and a salad and delivered it to our house so that I only had to stick it in the oven. THANK YOU NANCY!!!
There was another event this weekend that I would like to post about, but I don't have the energy to do it right now. I will fill you all in on that when I get the chance.
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