So, today I went to the RE for a Saline Sonogram*. While I was there, the financial coordinator handed me my Embryo Adoption Financial Agreement. The price of the procedure didn't really shock me much. Nor did the timeline for payment being due.
A couple of the items that were in addition to their base fee were a little surprising (for instance, the baseline ultrasound. How the hell is THAT not covered?)
But the biggest shocker was a statement regarding the 1/5 refund of the price we get if there is nothing to transfer. I raised my eyebrows and questioned the financial coordinator. She stated that even if they don't transfer anything, they have already performed several services included in the price. Since my donor coordinator hadn't even MENTIONED a possible non-transfer transfer, I hadn't even considered this disastrous outcome.
After having time to process this information, I began to question some things regarding the whole process and began making some calls.
The financial coordinator hasn't been a big help at all. She can't really answer any questions about the process itself. That and she said that this doesn't happen very frequently. (Ummm, I haven't been known to have the best luck reproductively, forgive me for being overly cautious).
The donor coordinator has been even less helpful, unless you consider a panic attack to be just what I needed. Now that I have this pearl of wisdom about the "refund", I want more details about how the process works. For instance - how many embryos are there in this set we are pulling from (she can't tell me) or how many transfers have already been performed from this set (once again, her lips are sealed), or how many will they thaw to get our embryos (no definitive answer received yet). The more questions I ask, the less she can answer. I really just want to know that they will do everything in their power to ensure that I don't walk home, once again, with an empty uterus and an empty savings account to boot.
And as far as "mum" being the word - if we do proceed and this does result in a healthy baby, then won't they tell us how many babies have resulted from these embryos so that we have (and perhaps the sexes) so that we can warn any future child about marrying their biological siblings?
But back to the transfer of "None" and the hysterics at hand - I mean, call me crazy, but I want to know that if there are 15 embryos in the set, they will attempt to thaw all 15 to get my 2 since I am paying for it. And if all they get is 1, then they tried. I want reassurance that they don't look at the 15 and see that they could "sell" these embryos to 5 couples and limit each one to 3 embryos and end up with 25K rather than the 5K they would have if they used them all for us. But since they won't tell me how many there are in the damned set, how the hell do I know that they aren't taking advantage of us and saying they thawed 3 and that was all they had? And either she just is beating around the bush in answering me or I am just not asking the right damned questions because I still don't have my answers???
So after all that frustration, I talked to Derek about this new information. He is having a stressful day for an entirely different situation. So one question leads to another and I end up standing on the bridge** outside my office crying and wondering why it has to be so damned difficult for us to have a family. Once again sending questions to God about why we can't just get pregnant the good old fashioned way.
Derek did make some calls to the insurance company to see if the process will be covered. He is also checking into some adoption benefits at work to see if Embryo Adoption qualifies for the assistance.
Hopefully tomorrow will bring some more definitive answers all around.
*I was a virgin at this until today. Everything looked fine. But standing up afterwards? This must be what it feels like when your water breaks.
**Don't worry, it isn't one of THOSE bridges and I wasn't about to jump. It is a footbridge over a creek. The bridge leads from our main parking lot to the overflow lot. And since I share my office with someone else and there are 4 women in the room beside me, crying at my desk is not an option.
7 comments:
DAMMIT!!!
Ya know, you'd think that after we've finally accepted the fact that we'll never have a baby the old fashioned way, that it wouldn't be too much to ask for things to go somewhat smoothly from now on in this department...
I don't know if this is any consolation, but as I head in to my virginal IVF cycle, I'll take this as a reminder that I need to expect the unexpected...
Hang in there - you can do this.
When my RE started talking donor eggs with me, I was reassured that I would be given donor stats like how many times donated, typical number of eggs retrieved and embryos fertilized, number of pregnancies and births resulting, and sex of babies (if known). The idea is simple: it's a lot of money and the last resort, so as the recipient I deserve to know what I'm dealing with. I would push the issue all the way to the medical director of the clinic if you have to and get some answers. Sorry it has to be so hard.
It seems pretty sketchy to me that they wouldn't provide you with all of that information. I would press the issue. You are giving them a lot of money here, and they owe it to you to answer your questions. I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope everything gets worked out in the end and they are able to answer your questions.
It sounds a bit odd that they won't answer all your questions. They seem logical to me. I would want to know...
You definitely have every right to now *everything* about the embryos you're adopting. Why wouldn't they share that information and act so secretive about some of the most important questions you want and need answers to? Seems like some pretty straightforward questions you're asking and the answers should be incredibly easy for your clinic to answer. Maybe you can speak to someone else in the donor embryo department that will have answers. Good luck with everything!
There should be no surprises when it comes to the financial aspect of this process. PERIOD. So sorry you are having a bad day. Be your own advocate, no matter what that means.
What a mess. I'm sure you've already tried talking to everyone you could possibly talk to about this, outside of two unwilling or moronic coordinators. Will you get a chance to meet with the doctor about this before signing a financial agreement? Is it feasible to get a lawyer involved?
It sure sounds like you've dealt with the two most uninformed employees there ever could be (except maybe at the Sprint Store?), or they don't mind taking advantage of the desperate. I'd certainly be suspicious, too. Especially since your questions didn't seem like anything most people wouldn't think to ask.
I really hope this works out well in the end. I'll be thinking of you, and hoping to hear good news about the process soon.
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