So after our results on Friday, I would say it is safe to assume you all know that I was feeling as if I was my whit's end. Especially if you read the previous post.
I cried, I zoned out, I struggled over whether any of my actions had caused the failure (Should I not have planted flowers in our island that weekend? What about that trip on the stairs? Should I have just placed myself on complete bed rest for 2 weeks???) Then I blogged and got my feelings out there.
When Derek got home, he took me to dinner at one of our favorite restaurants. On the way, I opened up to him and shared with him the fears that I blogged about. I told him about being afraid that he would always be against adoption if that became our ONLY option. And he told me exactly what I needed to hear - that if I am unable to carry our child and we have exhausted all of our other options - that he would not be against adoption. He just doesn't want to consider this option right now.
It was music to my ears. I felt like the cloudy rainy skies above me had miraculously cleared up revealing bright beautiful sunshine and blue skies. OK, so that doesn't mean that all of our problems are solved or that the rest of this process will be any easier, but I did feel as if there was a renewed sense of hope that we will eventually make it to Parenthood...
In other news, AF has arrived. The lovely AF that follows IVF. Can you say HOLY CRAP??? At least I knew to expect it this time...
7 comments:
I'm so glad you shared your feelings with him. I knew that if it really came down to it he would probably be fine with adoption. Sounds like he just doesn't want to process that just yet since you still have other options! I'm so happy for you though that you guys were able to agree on that and now you don't have to "accept" childless existence. You were meant to be a mother and I can't wait for you to have that chance! As I've already said, you guys will be amazing parents and that child will be extremely lucky to have you!
Have you told me lately how wonderful I am as a fried?- No. Friend? - yes and thank you and you are welcome. :)
Carli I could hug you in happiness right now. I am happy for you that you talked things over with Derek and it gave you exactly what you needed to hear from him.
You already sound so much better- I know there are higher points and lows, but I am always amazed at your ability to persevere. Each day will get a little bit better.
Love you.
It is so good to hear that you and Derek were able to have a heart to heart and for you to really be able to open up about your fears. That shows so much for what a wonderful relationship you have with your husband and that you can be there to support each other. Hope those blue skies and sunshine stick around. :)
I'm so glad you were able to come to an understanding about your options. It's amazing what a little conversation can do for the spirits, huh? And I think heading to your favorite restaurant was a lovely idea. I am all about comfort food.
You are such an amazing woman. And I know you will be fantastic parents. Some day, some way.
(((((Hugs)))))
Carli, I am so glad that you and Derek had that conversation. I had a feeling he would come around to the idea of adoption eventually. Of course, I understand his desire to exhaust the other options first (Matt was the same way). But I know that knowing he feels this way now probably gives you a certain peace of mind. I'm glad you're doing better, minus having the AF from hell!
Carli, I'm so happy that you and Derek had such a great conversation. I understand about wanting to exhaust all your options first, before moving on to adoption. I'd be doing the same thing. Someway, Somehow, that's my IF motto. You both are going to be such amazing parents. Love ya bunches!!
I said a prayer for you! I did not endure all that you have to get my baby but I went through 18 months of trying and felt completely broken. I will continue to keep you in my prayers!
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