Holy Moly, AF is a B-IATCH

To start off - I need to thank anyone who returned to this blog after reading my last post.  I promise I am normally more level headed than that. 

And thank you for the lovely comments.  I know that I am allowed to be angry and I know I am allowed to focus on a minute detail if that is all I can focus on.  I think my biggest problem was the fact that I had this overwhelming feeling that I was a baby killer.  I also know that my uterus has not been proven to be defective and that I should not think that way - but I was just a bit freaked out.  Freak out moment over, I promise. 

As far as my sanity is concerned, I think it is coming back around.  Derek and I still have some talking to do.  I always feel better about things when I have a plan and the lack of a definite plan was not helping.  We still aren't set on a plan, but I have been moving towards figuring out a plan, and that helps.

I have been contacting the people I know who have adopted to find out more about their stories.  I am scheduling dinner with one of the couples so that we can talk with them.  We have discussed that we will be possibly talking to an adoption specialist to learn all the details about both international and domestic adoptions.  And, we will be making some calls to the donor embryo place to learn all of the details of that type of transaction.  Hopefully, knowledge will be one of the keys to making a decision.

Oh, and I made a decision about my tag line...

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On to the reason for this actual post.  AF has arrived.  With a vengence.  This next section might get a bit graphic, but I will try to keep it as nice as possible considering the subject matter.

After going through 2 failed IVF cycles, I thought I knew what to expect when the bitch showed up.  Boy was I wrong.

I awoke Thursday morning at 2 a.m. with some pretty nice cramps.  I got up to check and found that AF had graced me with her presence.  I took care of the necessary arrangements and went back to bed.  Or so I thought.  The cramping intensified greatly.  I began to hurt all the way through to my back and started having quite a bit of pressure down below.  I kept going to the bathroom thinking that a BM was necessary.  Diarrhea arrived.  The flow of AF was VERY clotty, even more so than my first miscarriage or IVF cycle.  The pain got to the point that I was nauseous.  I finally took a pain pill (left over from the egg retrieval), grabbed the heating pad, and laid back down.  At around 6:30 in the morning, I was sitting on the toilet and puking into the trashcan.  I was seriously concerned that something inside had ruptured or something and I was considering a trip to the ER.  We finally got in touch with the RE's office.  The nurse informed me that this was NORMAL. 

WTF???

She actually made it sound like some women go through this EVERY month.  Bless their hearts if they do.  I explained to her that I normally had pretty strong cramps and that my miscarriage was nothing in comparrison to this pain.  She then informed me that since I did have HCG in my system, that this WAS a miscarriage and that it would be painful.  (Thanks for the heads up BEFORE AF showed...)

Anyway, as you all know by now, I survived.  Today was not nearly as bad.  And, just so you all know - Derek was SO sweet.  He stayed home with me until he was sure that the pain was at a tolerable level and took care of me.  I really am so happy to have him as a husband.

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Also - I am not sure of how one should actually answer a question from a comment - I was afraid to answer in the comments for fear that she wouldn't see the answer.  So please forgive me if this is an inappropriate...
Tina - in answer to your question, we don't know where our fragmentation comes from.  We had insurance infertility coverage for a certain dollar amount and it did not cover any treatments where donors were used.  We determined we would exhaust our coverage with our own goods and see where we ended up.  After looking at the financial implications of donor services (i.e. donor eggs or IVF with donor sperm), we determined that donor embryos or adoption would be our next step.